Friends

Letter To My Younger Self

/ markmkane / 2 Comments

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I’ve always wondered what I would do if I somehow got a letter from my future self whether it be magically or in a sci-fi type manner.  Would I take heed or completely blow it off?  Will it affect the outcome of my future self if I go in an opposite direction?  Ah the endless possibilities.

I could dwell on the many outcomes but the one thing that fascinates me the most is if I had to craft a letter to my younger self, specifically my teenage self. 

 What would I write? 

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 What do you say to a teenage boy who “thinks he knows everything”? 

Choosing the perfect words to convey what I want my teenage self to know is truly daunting.  I’d probably overthink things and my prose would be just mindless ramblings.

It would have to be short, simple and straight to the point, because if you really think about it a teenager doesn’t really have the time to read something that looks like a page from a boring novel.

If I had to write a letter to my younger self, it would just be something that’s spontaneous and from the heart.  And this is how it would go:Ltr7Dear Teenage Mark,

When I look at you, I see someone with so much potential.  Don’t stifle that, don’t limit yourself and settle for what’s the easiest.  Sometimes taking the most difficult and challenging path is the one that will be the most gratifying.

 There are going to be tough times ahead, so feel free to lean on others for support.  You don’t have to go through it alone.  The words of wisdom and unconditional love of others is what will give you the strength to endure everything.

 Take the time to step back and savor the moments, even the most mundane one.  It may look like nothing to you now but as you get older, you’re going to wish you could relive those memories.

 Don’t be afraid to try new things!  Step out of your comfort zone and experience life.  There’s a world out there beyond the five feet in front of you.  AND if you start something…DON’T QUIT!  See it through till the end.

I strongly suggest that you listen to other people who know more than you because it is sound advice.  You DON’T know it all and if you think you do…you’re truly a dumb ass.  Cut that out before I travel back in time to slap some sense into you.

You’re going to meet a lot of people, just remember that not every one of them is going to like you.  And you’re not going to like every one of them.  That’s okay!  Just don’t be afraid to express your opinions around them, you’ll be better off for doing  so.

Friends will come and go in certain chapters of your life so learn from your experiences with them because they’ll help to shape a part of your personality.

Lastly, pursue your dream of writing with extreme vim and vigor.  DON’T obsess over finding representation or getting published, it is not the “be-all and end-all” of your writing…it will come in time.  (With a lot of luck and sheer dogged determination!) All those writing classes that you’re contemplating on taking…DO IT…it’ll help you in more ways than you know.  So start NOW…write constantly so that you find your voice, develop your unique writing style, build your passion and expand your imagination.

You are in store for one hell of a ride, so embrace everything that comes your way and keep your eyes wide open so that you won’t miss a thing.  It’ll all be worth it.

Be yourself and be eternally optimistic.

Stay Strong!

Mark

Cherished Memories

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“As you look towards the future

forget not the past

Savor the present

for in your memories they’ll last

There’ll be times in life

where things may be unclear,

just grit your teeth, head straight forward

and show you have no fear

There will also be days

when everyone brings you down,

so just remember my smile

like that of a cheerful clown

Remember the good times

shared between you and me,

and spread all of the happiness

to everyone you see.”

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

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For all my life I’ve tried to be an eternal optimist in a somewhat pessimistic world.  (To be more specific, I’ve applied that thought to my life as an aspiring screenwriter.) Lately, however, I’ve been trying to adopt that to my personal life.

 You have to believe that otherwise your life would be desolate and miserable.  No matter how bad things may get, you should never feel hopeless because better days do lie ahead.  There is a light at the end of that long tunnel, it may be big as a spotlight or small as a penlight flashlight, but it is there.

 Believe me, there are some days when my convictions and faith are tested to the limits.  A bad day at work, an injury, arguments aplenty, caught in terrible weather, rejected for a prospective job, someone close passes away, illness…the list can go on and on and on.  Everything bad, whether insignificant or huge, becomes fodder for our mind’s consumption. 

 We’ve all been there and I know that each and every one of you’ve said the same thing – “WHY’S THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!”

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 It’s times like these when you start to wonder if there’s some validation to all the pessimism out there in the world.  Your outlook starts to look grim and any chance of bliss seems futile.  You begin to get envious of those around you whose luck and good fortune seem to line up effortlessly. 

 Once you get into that mindset, it’s SO difficult to recover; if you can’t, then you become another statistic in a world of pessimistic drones.  I’m not going to lie I’ve fallen into that trap numerous times, enough to the point where I have a plaque with my name engraved there.  But I’ve learned that no matter what, there really is brighter days ahead.

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 Anytime you encounter a bad situation and feel like it’s the end of the world…STOP!  Soak in what happened and know that you are not the only one experiencing something “catastrophic.”   There are millions upon millions of people out there going through a similar or maybe even worse situation.  You are not alone!  Turn to God and pray if that’s your faith, confide in family members and friends, or spend time with your beloved pet to get some clarity on your life.

 For every negative thing that happens, there’s some good that comes from enduring our ordeals.  We may be able to see it clearly, it may be subtle or it may reveal itself down the road.  Either way, something positive will always appear. 

Overcome each hurdle one at a time, jumping over the smallest one first.  Clearing one impasse leads the way to clearing the rest of the hurdles ahead of you.

 Who knows, we might discover a new found friend, gain confidence from an underlying skill we never knew we had or learn something useful…there are countless of things that could arise.  So in essence, there is a bright spot in an otherwise bleak situation; we just have to have a positive outlook. 

 We should instead think of possibly the worst situation we could be in and compare it to what we’re facing.  I’m sure it pales in comparison.  We’re alive and we get to see another day; some people are not so lucky.  Just relish in the fact that we’ve conquered past obstacles and live to tell the tale.  That’s an accomplishment in itself.

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 So when things don’t go your way, just stop, take a deep breath, soak in all that bad vibes and reflect on your life for a moment.   Look around you, look at your family, look at your friends, examine your life for a bit…reminisce on all the good times and laughter shared.  Revisit all those joyous memories and know that you’ve become a stronger person because of that.  Keep the faith in knowing that there’s always a glimmer of hope in the most dire of situations.

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An exam by any other name

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The other day I was going through all my e-mails and de-cluttering my account by deleting all of the old stuff.  What I came across was an e-mail back in 7/15/2010 that I sent to my friends and co-workers about my first time prostate examination experience.  As I read through it, I vividly relived that moment and thought to myself “Did I really go through that ordeal?!”

I remembered dreading that day but in hindsight I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off for writing it down and sharing a “private” moment with others.  And now I’d like to share it with those that stumble across my blog post for this week.

Here you go:

“I can now say that I’ve officially had something shoved up my butt for the first time in my life.  It was an experience to say the least.  How’d it go you say, well…

 I brought my family with me to my appointment for peace of mind, not that it helped any cause all I could think of was the inevitable.  As usual, I got called in for a pre-check: weigh in, temperature, high blood pressure and then was sent back out to wait.  On any other visit that would be fine but today it was hell.  Visions of what to expect raced through my mind…would it hurt, how long would the drilling be, would it hurt, what position am I gonna be in, would it hurt…things of that nature.

 When I got called in and led to my examination room, I thought to myself “Everyone goes through this type of examination in some shape or form.  So cowboy up and get it done!” 

 As I was waiting in the exam room, the cowboy got the hell outta Dodge and I was left with my own thoughts again.

 My doctor came in, as usual all smiles, and I was ready to do this.  He began by opening up my records and talking about the results of my blood test…LDL, HDL levels, the kidneys, the liver and so on and so forth.  Asked how I was doing, my workout routine, nutrition, any problems with vision, hearing, bowel movements.  What the hell is with all of this talking?!  Can’t we just do it and then talk later? 

 The doctor, still all smiles, went through the usual routine of checking the eyes, ears, nose, throat, breathing, reflexes, feeling lymph nodes and all over my mid-section.  At this point in time, all that I could compare this examination to was the routine of sex.  Yes, even at a juncture like this that “every 7 seconds” rule is still present.  (According to studies, men think about sex every 7 seconds…yeah right, as if.  More like 5 in my opinion.) The talking at the beginning was chit chat, and now all this touchy feely thing is fore play. 

 Finally when he was satisfied, he opened a drawer and started laying some contents onto a table.  A roll of toilet paper which he unravelled, a little packet, gloves and a tube of surgical lubricant from which he squeezed a big glob.  KA-PACK!…on went the gloves and “Take off your pants” was heard.  I briefly saw his face and what pissed me off a little was that he was still all smiles.  What a frickin’ bastard!

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 He told me to turn around, face the wall, and bend down and put my elbows on the bed.  “Holy shit here we go!”  For a nano-second, I remembered that just the other night on cable, I had seen a scene like this on a soft core porn movie.  (Every 7 seconds again.) 

 As he spread my butt cheeks, all I could think about was trying to find “my happy place.”   As that finger went in, any hopes of finding “my happy place” went out the door.  Although it lasted for about 5-7 seconds, the theory of relativity kicked in and it felt longer.  He put a sample of stool onto the packet and the result was negative.  My prostate was normal and I don’t have anything to worry about; he showed me a model of what he was doing while he was playing roto-rooter. 

 With that he wanted to schedule me for another exam like this next year.  Next year?!  I asked him that if I had nothing to worry about why do I have to come back again.  Couldn’t this be done every 5 years?  I guess when you pass 40 these things need to be done.  Shit–fine then! 

 I left the room, walking just slightly different than how I came in, and feeling a bit strange for the experience.  No wait…that was just an urge to wipe off all that excess lube still in my butt crack. 

 Anyway I just wanted to share and figured it would be therapeutic to let it all out.”

That’s What Friends Are For.

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We all have friends in our lives. Some may have an army of them while others a few. Contrary to most social media apps like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat and others of the ilk where quantity determines popularity and self-value, true friendship is based on quality.

 A friend is someone who is with you through the good times and the bad. They’re there to lift your spirits up and to support you in times of crisis.

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 We have childhood friends, work friends, family friends, fair weather friends and even befriended friends of friends.  “WOW!” that’s the most that I’ve used the word friends in one complete sentence.

There are some, the “lucky ones”, that are most fortunate to have a life-long friend or friends that have been with you in all stages of your life and you in theirs. You guys, the “lucky ones”, really hit the lottery.

There’s no question that family members can be our friends; but that’s a different type of bond that goes well beyond conventional friendship.

 For the rest of us, we’ve had friends that came in and out of our lives at various points in our life.  Some we lost touch with, some that fell apart, some that passed away, some that abandoned us, some that promised to keep in contact but never do and some that just quietly drifted away.

 Despite what type of friends we have, I feel that the ones that came into our lives at any given point in time was there for a reason.  They were there to serve a purpose, and when it was fulfilled, they moved on so that we could do the same.

 There’s nothing wrong with that.  Sometimes we weren’t meant to be life-long friends with certain people; that’s okay.  In that given time span of when we started that friendship till the time it ended should be cherished whether it be good or bad.

The fact that we shared a friendship with someone is an amazing feat in itself.  We displayed an ability to give of ourselves to another to the point where they liked us enough to do the same.  If we continue to do that throughout the rest of our lives, there will be no shortage of friends.

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 We all desire friends because life’s too short to go it alone.  We need that special someone to accompany us in our life’s journey because it’s just way more fun.  Having twice the laughs, twice the craziness, twice the smiles and twice the hugs is the best reward a friend could provide.

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Fear is the mind-killer.

/ markmkane / 3 Comments

A quote that I often harken back to frequently in my life comes from Frank Herbert, writer of Dune.  In it there’s a quote:

“I must not fear.  Fear is the mind-killer.  Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.  I will face my fear.  I will permit it to pass over me and through me.  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.  Only I will remain.”

The only part of the quote that is deeply embedded within my consciousness is “Fear is the mind-killer.”

That phrase always seem to pop into my head when it comes to the sudden interruptions that happen within my mundane life.  Things that I can’t control or the unknown puts me in a dazed and confused state; all rational thoughts become obscure within my psyche.

People around my usually give that same old advice, “Don’t worry about what you can’t control.”  “It’ll be okay if you just don’t think about it.”  “Everything’s gonna be fine.”

Now there are some people, the “lucky ones”,  that can glaze over these little bumps and carry on with their life, but I for one am not one of these chosen few.

Every time a “worst case scenario” presents itself, I lose all sense of myself.  Anxiety sets in and soon after fear creeps in and overtakes all of my waking thoughts.  My eternal optimistic nature just ups and leaves me fending for my life and its worth.

I tend to overthink things; I start to run every possible, and horrific, scenario in my head on how this situation, accident or illness will end.  I know that it’s not good to think like this and it certainly is not good for my health but I’m just a worrier at heart.

I just can’t seem to see the bright side of things and that’s getting me frustrated.  Only seeing the negative outcomes rather than the positive is truly destructive in nature.

To quote William Faulkner, “Fear is the most damnable, damaging thing to human personality in the whole world.”

I really believe in that but I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m just fed up feeling like this.  I know that I’m better than this and it really is true “Life is too short.”

Every time a hiccup presents itself in my life, no matter how bad, I stop to reflect how far I’ve come in life and take comfort in knowing that there are others in the world that are going through the same thing but in different degrees.  Sometimes we encounter a second, a third or even a fourth situation on top of what we’re originally dealing with.

I take stock in my family and friends and a sense of gratitude sets in.  Their smiling faces and unwavering support helped me get through the “rough times”.  It was a battle that was hard fought but I survived.  In all those instances I thought it was the worst thing ever to happen in my life, but I somehow managed to come out alright.

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Being positive in light of all the craziness that’s happening around us is a fight in itself but the results will only help to benefit our well-being.

Yes, there will be some rough patches in life where it gets solved quickly and stress free; I will treasure those the most.  And I know that there will be arduous times when the struggle will be an ongoing one with no relief in sight, but I’m training myself to see that glimmer of light at the end of that long tunnel.

No matter how dire the situation is, we really need to rely on our family and friends.  We need to get into that mindset where we should not go through this “rough patch” alone.  That is why I’m trying to adopt a new quote, “Remember the 3 P’s” to combat that “Fear is the mind-killer” lodged within my mind.

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 Staying Patient, Positive and Persisting on will help me get through any and all future obstacles life throws at me.  I will tackle it head on and be victorious!