Family

There Is No Bond Stronger

/ markmkane / Leave a comment

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As I was growing up, I never really got the full grasp of what it was like to rely on family members for support; especially that of the emotional kind. 

 I was always off on my own, or with my friends, involved in insects, cartoons, action figures, video games, comics or remote control vehicles of the fast kind. 

 When I wasn’t squeezing every ounce of free time for my personal pleasure, my head was preoccupied with school.  So as you can tell, it was either trying to finish that super complex homework, study for zillions of quizzes and tests or what to do first when I had free time; those thoughts took up most of my emotional journeys.

 Nothing major happened to the point where I needed to consult my parents or siblings for advice.  A lot of my life’s lessons came either from trial and error, mostly HUGE ones, or talking with friends.  Life was simple, there were no worries.

If it didn’t involve school or play (or girls) then it completely fell to the wayside.  That, however, took a different turn as I got up there in age and started a family of my own.

 My focus adjusted and my eyes began to really “see” the value of having family around you.  I could have a bad day at work, a traumatic incident, health issues or just feeling down in the dumps, but just knowing that my family was there made the trials all the more bearable.

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 My wife and my kids provided emotional support in ways that inspired hope in me.  Just having someone in my corner, through thick and thin, really made all the difference in overcoming the obstacles that were in my path.  Their positive words of encouragement, daily affirmations and big burly hugs made all the difference; they truly became my emotional cheerleaders. 

 My outlook towards my parents were in a state of flux as well; it changed from seeing them as an authoritative figure to that of sage-like confidants that I can pour my heart out to. 

 It’s interesting how time really changes you and strange that it took me this long to value the bonds we share with our family.  I might have grown up slightly different from others but at least I can say that I finally learned how strong family bonds can be.

Tigger

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With 2016 winding down, I ,like many others reflect on what took place in our lives and put things into perspective.  As I was doing my year end house cleaning, I stumbled upon a picture of my beloved dog “Tigger”several years removed from our lives; attached was a note that I had penned soon after his passing.

I read through it and reflected on how important he was to me and my family and wanted to share how I felt at that time with you.

“Today a part of me died,

you left a void within my heart that can never be replaced

You touched my life in ways that you could never imagine

I sit here trying to think of a word to best describe you

But no words can describe what you truly meant to me

You were my best friend for the past 18 years

and you did everything in your heart for me

You made me laugh and smile

and comforted me when I was scared

You protected me when I was asleep

and kept me company when I was alone

In your little funny ways,

you made me see what life was about

I will miss you with all my heart;

your perky ears, your jovial bark, and your gentle lick

It will be hard to face life without you by my side

Your support and love made me feel invincible

Your gift of love

was the best gift I ever received from you

For that I am most grateful

I’m so lucky and honored that you came into my life

For the rest of my life, I am in debt to you

Tigger…you taught me what love really is,

to give it and to receive it

you will never be forgotten

because you have a special place within my heart forever

Whenever I think of love or share it,

you will come to mind

you will live on in the love I give to others

Thank you Tigger,

thank you for choosing me,

thank you for being there for me

and caring with your heart.”

‘Tis The Season…

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With the holiday season fast approaching, I can’t help but get into the festive spirit.  Decorations at the office and at home were put up last week and adorned with the normal Christmas ornaments along with a few high tech modern ones. 

 Feeling upbeat and good-natured towards one another is at an all-time high; smiles are more frequently seen as well as laughter aplenty. Christmas music just fuels our inner core and harkens a time of simplicity and past innocence; when we believed that there truly was a Santa Claus.give10

Our somnolent consciousness reawakens and we’re transferred back to that very day when we were kids; eagerly counting down the days to when we can open all those presents under the Christmas tree.

 I look forward to this time of the year, guess mainly it’s because of the positive energy that’s flowing about.  Granted the stress of crowded malls, buying gifts, balancing our pocketbooks, finding parking and planning parties pop up but the vibe is just undeniable.  We subconsciously strive to be nicer toward others and compassionate toward those that are less fortunate.  It’s the season of “giving” after all.

I guess the whole point that I’m trying to get at is that there’s innate goodness in most of us; although we struggle with putting forth our best face throughout the year, this is the one time where it’s reassuring to know that we have the capability to be virtuous.   

The world is in a pressing state right now, so we need to more vigilant in spreading this positive energy. Not just for the holiday season, not just for a day, not just for a week but for as long as we can. 

So go forth and pay it forward; do everything with good intentions.  Spread your smile, give a hug, lend an ear, hold the door open for someone, any little thing helps.  Being charitable is a reward unto itself and the sense of self-satisfaction that comes from it is priceless.

Remember all the times when our family, friends, colleagues, strangers did something good for us –  that feeling we got from that unselfish act…we need to reciprocate that back to the world.

A Time of Thanks

/ markmkane / 4 Comments

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Every time this year, like most people, I always take stock in what I’m grateful for…my family, my friends, my health, my life, so on and so forth.  But this year, with the passing of two co-workers and a couple of family members and a health scare, I am truly appreciative for what I have.

 Every day leading up to Thanksgiving, I’ve been taking stock in what I have and the people who are around me and have never been more cognizant and content with my place in life.  There are just days when I can’t help but stop myself in my tracks and smile.

 On days like this I always think “Nothing could be more perfect in my life right now.  If I could just somehow stop time and live in this moment forever, I’d be totally ecstatic.”  A sense of overwhelming joy consumes me and thank God for giving me this occasion to feel this way.thanks4

 When I was younger, I often took for granted a lot of things in my life and somehow lost sight of what it really meant to be thankful for what I had around me.  It was all about “me” and the mere fact that I had many more years ahead just made me concentrate on what might be instead of what might come to pass.thanks1

 But if I hadn’t had all those missed opportunities, mistakes and regrets then I wouldn’t come to the self-realization of how lucky I am in life. Like that saying goes, “With age, comes wisdom.”  And I learned that I needed to enjoy the here and now, accept where I am in life and recognize the people around me that where steadfast in everything I did.

Because of my newfound outlook on life, I preach to my children everyday on acknowledging what they have, to try and not be cavalier on thinking that you have all the time in the world.  Time is a commodity that needs to be relished with respect and without regrets.

A Spark Of Hope

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Ever have one of those days when things just don’t seem to go your way or situations pop up that test your limits?  We’re all faced with that time and time again; believe me, I’ve had my share ten times over and then some.  There are other that have it even worse. 

 What I’m most curious about is how others cope with their personal struggles.  How do they keep positive in light of all the bad things that are happening to them?  What gives them the drive to face their dilemma head on and never give up?

 When problems arise in my life, my “doom and gloom meter” starts to rise and my mind starts to go into overdrive about all the things I could’ve done to avoid this mess.  My outlook starts to look depressingly hopeless and my daily routines are all out of whack.

 I start to do normal things on auto-pilot all the while racking my brain on how to solve my problems or obstacles so that I can get back on track and live normally again. 

 When this happens, I start to get into a funk and feel like “Why does this always happen to me and when will it all end!  Can’t I just get a break?!”  Just when I see there is no solution to my turbulent mess, “a spark of hope” appears out of nowhere.

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 For me, that can come in the form of my dog greeting me at Mach speed with unconditional love and adoration.  A big bear hug from my wife. It can even come from watching my kids simply do their homework or observing family members go about their daily routine.  It’s amazing how something so small and mundane can make a difference.

 Just the mere sight of them snaps me out of my much misaligned chaotic demeanor.  It’s weird but seeing something like that, just soaking in those positive things gives me hope. Remembering all the good times and feeling so blessed to have a family like mine helps a lot; knowing that I overcame previous predicaments helps in the process.  Maybe subconsciously I know that I have their undying love and support in my corner and I know I’m not facing my predicaments alone.  

 Can’t really explain it; I get a renewed sense of energy and endless possibilities about my life explode in my head…AND it’s all good.  It feels as if nothing in the world can stop me from accomplishing anything and everything! 

It’s funny how something so simple can become a beacon of unbridled optimism.  Life doesn’t appear so bleak and I’m enthusiastically anticipating what’s in store for me in an hour, a day, a week or months from now.  I begin to envision a more desirable and successful future for myself which might or might not happen.  Who cares?!

 My “spark of hope” is all that matters in driving my life forward.  As long as I have that grain of reverie then everything is fine.

 I can’t fathom how this process works but I’m just truly grateful that this “spark of hope” can do wonders for me.  I just pray that this sparkle continues to light all of the dark and hard times that I’ll encounter in my life.

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How A Filofax Created My “Bucket List”

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 As I rummaged through the closet looking for something that I can’t even remember, I stumbled upon my Filofax.  Yes, I did say Filofax. 

 For those born in the 21st century, it’s a small looking folder that contains a calendar, day planner, notepad, plastic sleeves, ruler, pen holder, calculator, etc…  Basically it’s a personal organizer that helps you to manage your time, appointments, meetings and tasks.Bucket9

 It’s really a folder that you write down all the things you need or want to do on a given day and reference it when you can’t recall what it is you were supposed to do. 

 Back in the 90’s it was a real popular thing to have but I resisted the urge to have one because I felt it “dumbed” you down and made you prone to not using your brain to remember things. 

 When I saw the movie “Taking Care of Business” with Jim Belushi and Charles Grodin, my views on the Filofax changed.  I somehow became obsessed with owning a Filofax, even though I had no need for one.  I caved in and bought one to my delight; “I HAD A FILOFAX AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERED!”

 Since I was in college, I had nothing on my plate except for my classes; I spent money on this thing so I felt like I had to write something in the Filofax to validate me buying the damn thing.Bucket10

 I jotted down my class times even though I already knew the schedule by heart.  I could not think of a single thing to put in it; one fateful day while in class, as the professor was droning on about God knows what, I wondered what I wanted to accomplish in my life.  Now I know that people make bucket lists all the time, but I started to do this when it wasn’t something popularly spoken. 

 One day I had one goal, the next day another and the next day another.  Soon I ended up with 4 and a half pages of things I wanted to accomplish or “Life Goals” as I called it, since I didn’t really know what a bucket list was at the time.

 My list wasn’t extreme like going skydiving, bungee jumping, swimming with sharks or climbing Mount Everest; my goals centered around my career in being an established writer, getting literary representation, sell my screenplays, finding a soulmate, getting married and buying a house just to name a few.

 It wasn’t exciting or glamorous but they were “MY” goals; they were all attainable only if I was committed to seeing it through.  As the years flew by, that Filofax of mine soon became a fixture in an obscure corner of a book shelf and then somehow ended up in storage within my closet. 

 Don’t ask me how or why that had occurred, but it did.  I guess somewhere along in my life things happened that caused me to forget about what I had wanted to accomplish.

 So cut to the present and back to the start of this post, when I stumbled across this decrepit Filofax I immediately opened it and rifled through the pages to where I scribbled my “Life Goals”.

As I looked through the list I made 20 some odd years ago, I grabbed a pen and started to check off what I had accomplished.  The ones that were accomplished put a smile on my face and satisfaction rippled down my spine. Bucket5

As for the ones that I didn’t do, I paused for a moment to wonder why that was.  Clearly it was something that I can still do.  “What’s stopping me?” is all that I could think of.  I felt that it was still a “Life Goal” that I still want to attain.

 As of this writing, I am trying my best to see things through and accomplish what I set out to do when I was a young man in college.  With a little luck, hard work and dogged determination, I know I’ll check off every single one of my “Life Goals” before I take leave of this Earth.  

Goodbye To A Dear Friend

/ markmkane / 2 Comments

My Friend…

Today you’ve left a space in my heart

a void that not anyone can make

To do this one has to unselfishly  give of one’s self

You did just that and more

You gave yourself freely,

shown your love openly and unbiased,

gave your ear for someone to bend

and comforted a cold and lonely body

with your warmth and tenderness

Your companionship is unmatched

and your heart is forever captured

right here in my private treasure chest

where your love is kept safe

until it is ready to be freely shared

to the one who’s worthy and unselfish,

the one who will learn as well as accept

the gift of unconditional love

But until that time comes

my heart will not be whole,

for the space that was left

will be a most tremendous task to fill

Because the love that I’ve received

is but one of a kind

that is unique only to you,

…My Friend.

So You Think You Can Dance

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Dance7 In an earlier post I had talked about my daughter wanting to learn how to dance…more specifically dance “K-Pop” style.  Well, it’s been three months since I started this quest to help fulfill one of my daughter’s dream and it’s been going quite well.

 We’re not quite where we want to be but I’m proud of the fact of how far we’ve both come along.  I’m not a professional dancer by any means but I think we’re getting the hang of this style of dancing. 

When my daughter wanted to learn how to dance, I originally anticipated her asking me about break dancing or popping.  I was ecstatic and brushing off the cobwebs in a portion of my mind of all the old routines I used to do back in my heyday when I was a B-Boy (I wasn’t the best but I clearly wasn’t the worst).

 Like I said earlier, when she wanted to learn “K-Pop” style, my mind went blank and I had absolutely no idea what that entailed.  “Where do I start?” and “How am I going to pull this off?” were the only things that ran rampant in my mind.

K-Pop dancing has very intricate moves; it’s almost as if you are doing synchronized choreography.  Dancing by yourself is one thing, but doing it at the same time with another and hitting your marks at the same time is DAMN TOUGH!  These kids nowadays have much more rhythm than the kids I grew up with…simply amazing.

The things that helped me to get over this hump was the fact that she wanted to learn a routine from a specific Korean pop song and YouTube.  YouTube is simply the best because you can learn just about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING on that site.  I knew that can find a lot of stuff on YouTube but…WOW!  Where was this when I was growing up?!

 There were tons of tutorials and people doing dance covers that truly enlightened me as to the style that me and my daughter were about to learn.

After endless hours of watching the tutorials and clumsily mimicking the moves, we were inching our way towards our goal.  Man, for someone my age, this quest is daunting.  Not dancing since my high school and college days also added to the challenge.

 Doing something like this with my daughter, however, is priceless.  I was glad that my daughter took an interest in dancing, something that I LOVED to do when I was her age. 

 We got a lot of work ahead of us to complete our goal.  And…“How long will that take?” Your guess is as good as mine but I take solace in the fact that we’ll get there.  AND when we get there, I know we’ll get that sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that we were striving for.  Hopefully it’ll be soon so that I can upload the video to my blog to show you the results and make you see that we can REALLY DANCE!

Letter To My Younger Self

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I’ve always wondered what I would do if I somehow got a letter from my future self whether it be magically or in a sci-fi type manner.  Would I take heed or completely blow it off?  Will it affect the outcome of my future self if I go in an opposite direction?  Ah the endless possibilities.

I could dwell on the many outcomes but the one thing that fascinates me the most is if I had to craft a letter to my younger self, specifically my teenage self. 

 What would I write? 

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 What do you say to a teenage boy who “thinks he knows everything”? 

Choosing the perfect words to convey what I want my teenage self to know is truly daunting.  I’d probably overthink things and my prose would be just mindless ramblings.

It would have to be short, simple and straight to the point, because if you really think about it a teenager doesn’t really have the time to read something that looks like a page from a boring novel.

If I had to write a letter to my younger self, it would just be something that’s spontaneous and from the heart.  And this is how it would go:Ltr7Dear Teenage Mark,

When I look at you, I see someone with so much potential.  Don’t stifle that, don’t limit yourself and settle for what’s the easiest.  Sometimes taking the most difficult and challenging path is the one that will be the most gratifying.

 There are going to be tough times ahead, so feel free to lean on others for support.  You don’t have to go through it alone.  The words of wisdom and unconditional love of others is what will give you the strength to endure everything.

 Take the time to step back and savor the moments, even the most mundane one.  It may look like nothing to you now but as you get older, you’re going to wish you could relive those memories.

 Don’t be afraid to try new things!  Step out of your comfort zone and experience life.  There’s a world out there beyond the five feet in front of you.  AND if you start something…DON’T QUIT!  See it through till the end.

I strongly suggest that you listen to other people who know more than you because it is sound advice.  You DON’T know it all and if you think you do…you’re truly a dumb ass.  Cut that out before I travel back in time to slap some sense into you.

You’re going to meet a lot of people, just remember that not every one of them is going to like you.  And you’re not going to like every one of them.  That’s okay!  Just don’t be afraid to express your opinions around them, you’ll be better off for doing  so.

Friends will come and go in certain chapters of your life so learn from your experiences with them because they’ll help to shape a part of your personality.

Lastly, pursue your dream of writing with extreme vim and vigor.  DON’T obsess over finding representation or getting published, it is not the “be-all and end-all” of your writing…it will come in time.  (With a lot of luck and sheer dogged determination!) All those writing classes that you’re contemplating on taking…DO IT…it’ll help you in more ways than you know.  So start NOW…write constantly so that you find your voice, develop your unique writing style, build your passion and expand your imagination.

You are in store for one hell of a ride, so embrace everything that comes your way and keep your eyes wide open so that you won’t miss a thing.  It’ll all be worth it.

Be yourself and be eternally optimistic.

Stay Strong!

Mark

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

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For all my life I’ve tried to be an eternal optimist in a somewhat pessimistic world.  (To be more specific, I’ve applied that thought to my life as an aspiring screenwriter.) Lately, however, I’ve been trying to adopt that to my personal life.

 You have to believe that otherwise your life would be desolate and miserable.  No matter how bad things may get, you should never feel hopeless because better days do lie ahead.  There is a light at the end of that long tunnel, it may be big as a spotlight or small as a penlight flashlight, but it is there.

 Believe me, there are some days when my convictions and faith are tested to the limits.  A bad day at work, an injury, arguments aplenty, caught in terrible weather, rejected for a prospective job, someone close passes away, illness…the list can go on and on and on.  Everything bad, whether insignificant or huge, becomes fodder for our mind’s consumption. 

 We’ve all been there and I know that each and every one of you’ve said the same thing – “WHY’S THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!”

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 It’s times like these when you start to wonder if there’s some validation to all the pessimism out there in the world.  Your outlook starts to look grim and any chance of bliss seems futile.  You begin to get envious of those around you whose luck and good fortune seem to line up effortlessly. 

 Once you get into that mindset, it’s SO difficult to recover; if you can’t, then you become another statistic in a world of pessimistic drones.  I’m not going to lie I’ve fallen into that trap numerous times, enough to the point where I have a plaque with my name engraved there.  But I’ve learned that no matter what, there really is brighter days ahead.

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 Anytime you encounter a bad situation and feel like it’s the end of the world…STOP!  Soak in what happened and know that you are not the only one experiencing something “catastrophic.”   There are millions upon millions of people out there going through a similar or maybe even worse situation.  You are not alone!  Turn to God and pray if that’s your faith, confide in family members and friends, or spend time with your beloved pet to get some clarity on your life.

 For every negative thing that happens, there’s some good that comes from enduring our ordeals.  We may be able to see it clearly, it may be subtle or it may reveal itself down the road.  Either way, something positive will always appear. 

Overcome each hurdle one at a time, jumping over the smallest one first.  Clearing one impasse leads the way to clearing the rest of the hurdles ahead of you.

 Who knows, we might discover a new found friend, gain confidence from an underlying skill we never knew we had or learn something useful…there are countless of things that could arise.  So in essence, there is a bright spot in an otherwise bleak situation; we just have to have a positive outlook. 

 We should instead think of possibly the worst situation we could be in and compare it to what we’re facing.  I’m sure it pales in comparison.  We’re alive and we get to see another day; some people are not so lucky.  Just relish in the fact that we’ve conquered past obstacles and live to tell the tale.  That’s an accomplishment in itself.

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 So when things don’t go your way, just stop, take a deep breath, soak in all that bad vibes and reflect on your life for a moment.   Look around you, look at your family, look at your friends, examine your life for a bit…reminisce on all the good times and laughter shared.  Revisit all those joyous memories and know that you’ve become a stronger person because of that.  Keep the faith in knowing that there’s always a glimmer of hope in the most dire of situations.

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