A Spark Of Hope

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Ever have one of those days when things just don’t seem to go your way or situations pop up that test your limits?  We’re all faced with that time and time again; believe me, I’ve had my share ten times over and then some.  There are other that have it even worse. 

 What I’m most curious about is how others cope with their personal struggles.  How do they keep positive in light of all the bad things that are happening to them?  What gives them the drive to face their dilemma head on and never give up?

 When problems arise in my life, my “doom and gloom meter” starts to rise and my mind starts to go into overdrive about all the things I could’ve done to avoid this mess.  My outlook starts to look depressingly hopeless and my daily routines are all out of whack.

 I start to do normal things on auto-pilot all the while racking my brain on how to solve my problems or obstacles so that I can get back on track and live normally again. 

 When this happens, I start to get into a funk and feel like “Why does this always happen to me and when will it all end!  Can’t I just get a break?!”  Just when I see there is no solution to my turbulent mess, “a spark of hope” appears out of nowhere.

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 For me, that can come in the form of my dog greeting me at Mach speed with unconditional love and adoration.  A big bear hug from my wife. It can even come from watching my kids simply do their homework or observing family members go about their daily routine.  It’s amazing how something so small and mundane can make a difference.

 Just the mere sight of them snaps me out of my much misaligned chaotic demeanor.  It’s weird but seeing something like that, just soaking in those positive things gives me hope. Remembering all the good times and feeling so blessed to have a family like mine helps a lot; knowing that I overcame previous predicaments helps in the process.  Maybe subconsciously I know that I have their undying love and support in my corner and I know I’m not facing my predicaments alone.  

 Can’t really explain it; I get a renewed sense of energy and endless possibilities about my life explode in my head…AND it’s all good.  It feels as if nothing in the world can stop me from accomplishing anything and everything! 

It’s funny how something so simple can become a beacon of unbridled optimism.  Life doesn’t appear so bleak and I’m enthusiastically anticipating what’s in store for me in an hour, a day, a week or months from now.  I begin to envision a more desirable and successful future for myself which might or might not happen.  Who cares?!

 My “spark of hope” is all that matters in driving my life forward.  As long as I have that grain of reverie then everything is fine.

 I can’t fathom how this process works but I’m just truly grateful that this “spark of hope” can do wonders for me.  I just pray that this sparkle continues to light all of the dark and hard times that I’ll encounter in my life.

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How A Filofax Created My “Bucket List”

 As I rummaged through the closet looking for something that I can’t even remember, I stumbled upon my Filofax.  Yes, I did say Filofax. 

 For those born in the 21st century, it’s a small looking folder that contains a calendar, day planner, notepad, plastic sleeves, ruler, pen holder, calculator, etc…  Basically it’s a personal organizer that helps you to manage your time, appointments, meetings and tasks.Bucket9

 It’s really a folder that you write down all the things you need or want to do on a given day and reference it when you can’t recall what it is you were supposed to do. 

 Back in the 90’s it was a real popular thing to have but I resisted the urge to have one because I felt it “dumbed” you down and made you prone to not using your brain to remember things. 

 When I saw the movie “Taking Care of Business” with Jim Belushi and Charles Grodin, my views on the Filofax changed.  I somehow became obsessed with owning a Filofax, even though I had no need for one.  I caved in and bought one to my delight; “I HAD A FILOFAX AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERED!

 Since I was in college, I had nothing on my plate except for my classes; I spent money on this thing so I felt like I had to write something in the Filofax to validate me buying the damn thing.Bucket10

 I jotted down my class times even though I already knew the schedule by heart.  I could not think of a single thing to put in it; one fateful day while in class, as the professor was droning on about God knows what, I wondered what I wanted to accomplish in my life.  Now I know that people make bucket lists all the time, but I started to do this when it wasn’t something popularly spoken. 

 One day I had one goal, the next day another and the next day another.  Soon I ended up with 4 and a half pages of things I wanted to accomplish or “Life Goals” as I called it, since I didn’t really know what a bucket list was at the time.

 My list wasn’t extreme like going skydiving, bungee jumping, swimming with sharks or climbing Mount Everest; my goals centered around my career in being an established writer, getting literary representation, sell my screenplays, finding a soulmate, getting married and buying a house just to name a few.

 It wasn’t exciting or glamorous but they were “MY” goals; they were all attainable only if I was committed to seeing it through.  As the years flew by, that Filofax of mine soon became a fixture in an obscure corner of a book shelf and then somehow ended up in storage within my closet. 

 Don’t ask me how or why that had occurred, but it did.  I guess somewhere along in my life things happened that caused me to forget about what I had wanted to accomplish.

 So cut to the present and back to the start of this post, when I stumbled across this decrepit Filofax I immediately opened it and rifled through the pages to where I scribbled my “Life Goals”.

As I looked through the list I made 20 some odd years ago, I grabbed a pen and started to check off what I had accomplished.  The ones that were accomplished put a smile on my face and satisfaction rippled down my spine. Bucket5

As for the ones that I didn’t do, I paused for a moment to wonder why that was.  Clearly it was something that I can still do.  “What’s stopping me?” is all that I could think of.  I felt that it was still a “Life Goal” that I still want to attain.

 As of this writing, I am trying my best to see things through and accomplish what I set out to do when I was a young man in college.  With a little luck, hard work and dogged determination, I know I’ll check off every single one of my “Life Goals” before I take leave of this Earth.  

Goodbye To A Dear Friend

My Friend

Today you’ve left a space in my heart

a void that not anyone can make

To do this one has to unselfishly  give of one’s self

You did just that and more

You gave yourself freely,

shown your love openly and unbiased,

gave your ear for someone to bend

and comforted a cold and lonely body

with your warmth and tenderness

Your companionship is unmatched

and your heart is forever captured

right here in my private treasure chest

where your love is kept safe

until it is ready to be freely shared

to the one who’s worthy and unselfish,

the one who will learn as well as accept

the gift of unconditional love

But until that time comes

my heart will not be whole,

for the space that was left

will be a most tremendous task to fill

Because the love that I’ve received

is but one of a kind

that is unique only to you,

My Friend.

So You Think You Can Dance

Dance7 In an earlier post I had talked about my daughter wanting to learn how to dance…more specifically dance “K-Pop” style.  Well, it’s been three months since I started this quest to help fulfill one of my daughter’s dream and it’s been going quite well.

 We’re not quite where we want to be but I’m proud of the fact of how far we’ve both come along.  I’m not a professional dancer by any means but I think we’re getting the hang of this style of dancing. 

When my daughter wanted to learn how to dance, I originally anticipated her asking me about break dancing or popping.  I was ecstatic and brushing off the cobwebs in a portion of my mind of all the old routines I used to do back in my heyday when I was a B-Boy (I wasn’t the best but I clearly wasn’t the worst).

 Like I said earlier, when she wanted to learn “K-Pop” style, my mind went blank and I had absolutely no idea what that entailed.  “Where do I start?” and “How am I going to pull this off?” were the only things that ran rampant in my mind.

K-Pop dancing has very intricate moves; it’s almost as if you are doing synchronized choreography.  Dancing by yourself is one thing, but doing it at the same time with another and hitting your marks at the same time is DAMN TOUGH!  These kids nowadays have much more rhythm than the kids I grew up with…simply amazing.

The things that helped me to get over this hump was the fact that she wanted to learn a routine from a specific Korean pop song and YouTube.  YouTube is simply the best because you can learn just about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING on that site.  I knew that can find a lot of stuff on YouTube but…WOW!  Where was this when I was growing up?!

 There were tons of tutorials and people doing dance covers that truly enlightened me as to the style that me and my daughter were about to learn.

After endless hours of watching the tutorials and clumsily mimicking the moves, we were inching our way towards our goal.  Man, for someone my age, this quest is daunting.  Not dancing since my high school and college days also added to the challenge.

 Doing something like this with my daughter, however, is priceless.  I was glad that my daughter took an interest in dancing, something that I LOVED to do when I was her age. 

 We got a lot of work ahead of us to complete our goal.  And…“How long will that take?” Your guess is as good as mine but I take solace in the fact that we’ll get there.  AND when we get there, I know we’ll get that sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that we were striving for.  Hopefully it’ll be soon so that I can upload the video to my blog to show you the results and make you see that we can REALLY DANCE!

Letter To My Younger Self

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I’ve always wondered what I would do if I somehow got a letter from my future self whether it be magically or in a sci-fi type manner.  Would I take heed or completely blow it off?  Will it affect the outcome of my future self if I go in an opposite direction?  Ah the endless possibilities.

I could dwell on the many outcomes but the one thing that fascinates me the most is if I had to craft a letter to my younger self, specifically my teenage self. 

 What would I write? 

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 What do you say to a teenage boy who “thinks he knows everything”

Choosing the perfect words to convey what I want my teenage self to know is truly daunting.  I’d probably overthink things and my prose would be just mindless ramblings.

It would have to be short, simple and straight to the point, because if you really think about it a teenager doesn’t really have the time to read something that looks like a page from a boring novel.

If I had to write a letter to my younger self, it would just be something that’s spontaneous and from the heart.  And this is how it would go:Ltr7Dear Teenage Mark,

When I look at you, I see someone with so much potential.  Don’t stifle that, don’t limit yourself and settle for what’s the easiest.  Sometimes taking the most difficult and challenging path is the one that will be the most gratifying.

 There are going to be tough times ahead, so feel free to lean on others for support.  You don’t have to go through it alone.  The words of wisdom and unconditional love of others is what will give you the strength to endure everything.

 Take the time to step back and savor the moments, even the most mundane one.  It may look like nothing to you now but as you get older, you’re going to wish you could relive those memories.

 Don’t be afraid to try new things!  Step out of your comfort zone and experience life.  There’s a world out there beyond the five feet in front of you.  AND if you start something…DON’T QUIT!  See it through till the end.

I strongly suggest that you listen to other people who know more than you because it is sound advice.  You DON’T know it all and if you think you do…you’re truly a dumb ass.  Cut that out before I travel back in time to slap some sense into you.

You’re going to meet a lot of people, just remember that not every one of them is going to like you.  And you’re not going to like every one of them.  That’s okay!  Just don’t be afraid to express your opinions around them, you’ll be better off for doing  so.

Friends will come and go in certain chapters of your life so learn from your experiences with them because they’ll help to shape a part of your personality.

Lastly, pursue your dream of writing with extreme vim and vigor.  DON’T obsess over finding representation or getting published, it is not the “be-all and end-all” of your writing…it will come in time.  (With a lot of luck and sheer dogged determination!) All those writing classes that you’re contemplating on taking…DO IT…it’ll help you in more ways than you know.  So start NOW…write constantly so that you find your voice, develop your unique writing style, build your passion and expand your imagination.

You are in store for one hell of a ride, so embrace everything that comes your way and keep your eyes wide open so that you won’t miss a thing.  It’ll all be worth it.

Be yourself and be eternally optimistic.

Stay Strong!

Mark

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

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For all my life I’ve tried to be an eternal optimist in a somewhat pessimistic world.  (To be more specific, I’ve applied that thought to my life as an aspiring screenwriter.) Lately, however, I’ve been trying to adopt that to my personal life.

 You have to believe that otherwise your life would be desolate and miserable.  No matter how bad things may get, you should never feel hopeless because better days do lie ahead.  There is a light at the end of that long tunnel, it may be big as a spotlight or small as a penlight flashlight, but it is there.

 Believe me, there are some days when my convictions and faith are tested to the limits.  A bad day at work, an injury, arguments aplenty, caught in terrible weather, rejected for a prospective job, someone close passes away, illness…the list can go on and on and on.  Everything bad, whether insignificant or huge, becomes fodder for our mind’s consumption. 

 We’ve all been there and I know that each and every one of you’ve said the same thing – “WHY’S THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!”

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 It’s times like these when you start to wonder if there’s some validation to all the pessimism out there in the world.  Your outlook starts to look grim and any chance of bliss seems futile.  You begin to get envious of those around you whose luck and good fortune seem to line up effortlessly. 

 Once you get into that mindset, it’s SO difficult to recover; if you can’t, then you become another statistic in a world of pessimistic drones.  I’m not going to lie I’ve fallen into that trap numerous times, enough to the point where I have a plaque with my name engraved there.  But I’ve learned that no matter what, there really is brighter days ahead.

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 Anytime you encounter a bad situation and feel like it’s the end of the world…STOP!  Soak in what happened and know that you are not the only one experiencing something “catastrophic.”   There are millions upon millions of people out there going through a similar or maybe even worse situation.  You are not alone!  Turn to God and pray if that’s your faith, confide in family members and friends, or spend time with your beloved pet to get some clarity on your life.

 For every negative thing that happens, there’s some good that comes from enduring our ordeals.  We may be able to see it clearly, it may be subtle or it may reveal itself down the road.  Either way, something positive will always appear. 

Overcome each hurdle one at a time, jumping over the smallest one first.  Clearing one impasse leads the way to clearing the rest of the hurdles ahead of you.

 Who knows, we might discover a new found friend, gain confidence from an underlying skill we never knew we had or learn something useful…there are countless of things that could arise.  So in essence, there is a bright spot in an otherwise bleak situation; we just have to have a positive outlook. 

 We should instead think of possibly the worst situation we could be in and compare it to what we’re facing.  I’m sure it pales in comparison.  We’re alive and we get to see another day; some people are not so lucky.  Just relish in the fact that we’ve conquered past obstacles and live to tell the tale.  That’s an accomplishment in itself.

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 So when things don’t go your way, just stop, take a deep breath, soak in all that bad vibes and reflect on your life for a moment.   Look around you, look at your family, look at your friends, examine your life for a bit…reminisce on all the good times and laughter shared.  Revisit all those joyous memories and know that you’ve become a stronger person because of that.  Keep the faith in knowing that there’s always a glimmer of hope in the most dire of situations.

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I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

Back in 1984 a singer named Rockwell came out with the song “Somebody’s Watching Me” with Michael Jackson singing the chorus.  Before I go on, yes it was none other than “THE ONE AND ONLY” Michael Jackson.

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 The video starts off with a catchy but eerie tune and you see an unrecognizable face in the mirror; the whole music video featured Rockwell in his house and every time Michael sang the chorus “I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me” there was some random person out of nowhere either on the side or in the background observing Rockwell as he did his thing. 

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To this day I expect to see a creepy guy in a white wrap standing behind me off to the side like he did to Rockwell in the music video.

The most creepiest part of the video was when Rockwell was taking a shower and there was a woman, all in black, a few feet away twirling around.  The lyrics that came out during that scene was as follows:

 “When I’m in the shower
I’m afraid to wash my hair
‘Cause I might open my eyes
And find someone standing there.
People say I’m crazy
Just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me of
‘Psycho’ too much.”

 To this very day I wash my hair as quick as possible because I’m afraid that a serial killer or supernatural force will pounce on me once I close my eyes.

 The reason I bring up this song is because every so often I get the feeling that someone “is watching” me.  You know what I mean right?

 That feeling you get when you’re alone; it starts with all the hairs on your head standing up beginning with the roots and proceeds down the back of your neck onto your arms, all the while a cold chill engulfs your body as if you were dunked in ice water head first.  No one’s around but you just can’t shake that feeling that someone’s there in the room with you.  I call this the “chills down your spine phenomenon.”  It’s even worse if you have a pet and they get riled up for no reason and then the phenomenon occurs.

 Lately I’ve been having this feeling a lot; maybe it’s a “cause and effect” from watching too many reality ghost shows or I’m just a little cold.  Either way, my mind is running rampant with images of paranormal entities in my immediate vicinity.

 What else would cause this phenomenon to occur; there must be a logical reason for this but at this point I don’t think I could readily accept it. 

 All my mind can fathom is that every time the “chills down your spine phenomenon” happens, there’s either a deceased family member coming to visit or a malicious entity trying to latch onto me.

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 Granted the latter might be a bit of an overreach and bordering on paranoia but this self-reasoning somehow validates why I would get a chill running down my spine and the hairs standing on end.

 I’m sure that all of us experienced this phenomenon at some point in our lives; some may have felt the same way as I do while others simply brushed it off.  But we all can agree that when this unannounced chill overcomes us, we pause for a moment to decide what it could be.  We choose one or the other.

 I take comfort knowing that my family and friends all experienced this “chills down your spine phenomenon”; regardless of how they feel, I’ll just chalk up this feeling as grandpa or grandma coming to check up on me and making sure I’m safe and sound in this insane world.

Anime…not just animation but a “way of life”.

Since I was a young boy, I’ve been a product of the TV generation.  It was always TV, TV, TV…could never quite get into listening to the radio to pass the time away.  For me it was, “What’s the latest thing on TV that’ll keep my attention for this week” scenario.  I was glued to the TV anxiously waiting for the latest cartoon or live action show that really and truly “WOWed” me.

 It was a time when there was no cable TV or 24 hour viewing of thousands upon thousands of channels.  It was either black & white or color TV with three or four stations that had a sign on and sign off time…this meant that television stations started their broadcast day at 5 or 6am and went dark at 12 midnight.  Believe me this really sucked and wished I could’ve been born in the 21st Century.

 But as product of growing up in Honolulu, Hawaii in the 70’s with KIKU-TV, I was fortunate to view different types of shows that the rest of the nation were not readily exposed to.  I got to see:

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Kikaida & Kikaida-01

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Rainbow Man

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Kamen Rider V-3

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Go Rangers

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Inazuman

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Denjin Zaboga

and

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Akumaizer 3

Every week I made sure that the adults knew that Saturday’s between 6-7pm was my time to watch “my” programs.  This was my world and I absolutely LOVED IT!  It was such a mind trip seeing these fantastical beings doing action stuff.

I couldn’t get enough of it.  Week in and week out my mind would wonder what each new episode would reveal.  After their run ended, the station broadened their scope and started featuring such cartoons like:

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Yuusha Raideen

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Getter Robo G

 I called them cartoons because back then that’s what they were known as “cartoons”; anime was not readily said in those times.  Watching this was a change of pace from the “live action” stuff, but was AWESOMELY COOL nonetheless.  After its run, the station starting airing more passive cartoons like

Candy Candy and Ikkyu-San; granted I gave it a shot and watched a couple of episodes but quickly decided that it was not my usual fare.  A couple years after, that station soon stopped airing kids’ shows and concentrated on more adult themed programs.

As I advanced in age, I started watching the usual stuff like G.I. Joe, Transformers, Thundercats, and Silverhawks but nothing really captured my attention as “MUST SEE.” My life felt a little hollow and there were times when I longed to be fully invested in something different again.

In the late 80’s, our household got cable; back then the viewing was not like how it is in 2016, channels didn’t quite reach the 100 mark but it was different nonetheless.

One fateful day, I flipped the channel to Fuji Television and stumbled across Hokuto No Ken (Fist of the North Star).

With eyes widened and mouth agape; I stood there in silence.  I was completely floored; the animation wasn’t as crude like it was in the 70’s and the action was off the charts.  As soon as it ended I had an “OMG WTF just happened!!!” moment.

Something stirred from within; that hollow space was now whole again and I had to watch another episode, and another, and another.  This became “MUST SEE” TV for me again.  It was my first exposure to the world of Japanese animation…I became invested in a series once again and I LIKED IT!

The series ran for a couple of years and ended to my dismay.  I was starved for more and eagerly scoured their listing for any and all new animation but no such luck.  More adult themed shows popped up again and I was back to feeling empty inside.

Fast track to the 90’s…with the advent of the internet and the progression it made, I soon stumbled across internet sites where they featured Japanese “anime” for viewing entertainment.  Now this was where I first came across the term “anime” and was awed at all the types of series that were out there.

The graphics were more refined and the movement and action were almost human-like.  This was mind-blowingly insane and there were no words to describe my thoughts.  I viewed a whole bunch of anime but was somehow drawn at the time to a series called Naruto.

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Naruto

I liked the concept and idea of the shinobi and their fighting aspects AND I thought the hand gestures to use certain jutsu’s was remarkably cool to boot.  I followed the Naruto series religiously and all of the movies in-between.

When it ended, I was depressed that I would follow the same pattern as before BUT was pleasantly surprised that it continued on in the form of Naruto Shippuden…AND there were more movies to follow as well.  I was in absolute heaven…so, this was “anime”…it was purely orgasmic to be a part of this world.

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Naruto Shippuden

Living in the 21st Century and having two kids who are into “anime” helps to broaden my horizons as well.  They introduce me to shows that they think I might like:

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One Punch Man

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Attack On Titan

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Parasyte

With a cornucopia of anime programs out there, it’s impossible to view every single one.  Having extra pair of eyes helps to filter the awesome ones from the not so interesting ones.  Such a time saver.

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I’m glad that I went on this journey of discovery (and evolution) of Japanese animation.  AND through all this, I learned that “anime” was not just a thing…but a way of life.  It was a lifestyle that I had to experience to fill a part of my soul.

1st Anniversary

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I can’t believe that one year ago I started a blog…ME of all people.  At the behest of my manager, Alexia, I needed to create a blog site to promote myself on social media.  She’s such a savy person when it comes to that so who am I to argue.

When I set up my journey on creating my site, I was a complete novice.  No experience whatsoever.  There were times when I felt like I needed to hire someone to do this for me so that I can skip all the clutter and get to the details of just writing.

I am so glad that I opted to do this on my own.  It was rough at first but soon I got the hang of the process it took to set up a site I could call my own.  Yes, you can truly “teach an old dog new tricks.”  I am in no way an expert yet but I’m still in the process of  learning all the intricacies to fixing my blog site to get it to how I want.

Once I got something up, the question was what was I going to write.  I had no clue as to what direction I was going to take.  I perused other sites and soaked in what they had to offer; soon I got to thinking that I should just write about whatever I felt like I needed to convey to anyone who would stumble across my site.

I wrote about anything and everything, my experiences, my family, my children, my pets, being a screenwriter, writing in general, poetry, what it took to be a writer, about life, pet peeves, being an eternal optimist, trying to be positive and so on and so forth.

It didn’t matter what I wrote I just needed to write.  And I made a promise that I would write something each week regardless if it was eloquent or rough around the edges.  I just needed to write.  I made this promise to myself and I intended to keep it.

Well, it’s been a year and I’m proud to say that I’ve written something every week.  I’ve kept my promise and will continue to do so until I decide otherwise.  In the scheme of things, I felt like being a blogger was therapeutic.  I got to sound off about a lot of things and was most satisfied that I got to share it…even if no one read it.  Writing was writing after all and I am trying to better myself in this craft that I love.

I’m happy I started this journey and am truly excited to see where I’ll be next year.  The future is unwritten and I’m looking forward seeing how my site will grow.  I am honored to be one of the millions of bloggers in this world expressing myself through my site.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take two aspirins and “HUG” your pet

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We’ve all experienced a day, or days, when things just didn’t go as expected.  You know what I’m talking about…car getting a flat tire, being chewed out at work, vicious fight with our significant other, being sick to our stomach and so on and so forth. 

 It’s like we felt like the world was against us and we were the butt of a million jokes all lined up waiting to slap us in the face one after another.  We just wanted to crawl into a hole and wake up the next day as a new person who was draped with every good luck charm the world had to offer.

 It’s hard to recover from something like this. Yes it takes time and for some of us a good stiff drink. For the fortunate few that owns a pet, getting through something like this helps accelerate the process much, much faster.

 After life has beaten you to a pulp and your spirits are gone, you trudge your weary feet through the door and are greeted by your beloved pet.

 They make a mad dash for you at the speed of light and greet you like there’s no tomorrow.  Having that “warm” reception, after the day you’ve been through, helps to ease the pain and kick start the endorphin in your body into overdrive.

 They remind you that no matter what transpired “out there”, I’ll make you forget all that ever happened.  Our pets, whether it be a dog, cat, bird, hamster, pig, horse, etc., show us unconditionally what love is all about.

Just the sight of their perked up face, wagging tail and herky-jerky body movements is enough to put a smile on anyone.  Dare I say even the most hardened of faces.

 Having that unabashed feeling from this animal is a truly most extraordinary phenomenon to behold.  They make us laugh in our  darkest of days by just being themselves.  Their power to elicit all that’s happy, funny and joyful in us is just simply AMAZING.

 Being able to hold our pets and confide in them REALLY, REALLY makes our life all that more precious.  We forget all that “terrible stuff” and soon take delight in the positive.

 We no longer feel that doom and gloom and are hopeful for an exceptionally grand tomorrow.  We soon think to ourselves that “Life’s not all that bad” and our luck’s about to change for the better.  All this was because of our pet…all their positivity seeped into our core beings.  It became the perfect antidote to our dilemma.

 Our family member, our pet, that looked past all our faults and unexpected misfortunes and gave us inspiration and hope that life is best experienced together.

 So if you have a hell of a day, don’t despair…just take two aspirins and “HUG your pet!