Author: markmkane

Letter To My Younger Self

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I’ve always wondered what I would do if I somehow got a letter from my future self whether it be magically or in a sci-fi type manner.  Would I take heed or completely blow it off?  Will it affect the outcome of my future self if I go in an opposite direction?  Ah the endless possibilities.

I could dwell on the many outcomes but the one thing that fascinates me the most is if I had to craft a letter to my younger self, specifically my teenage self. 

 What would I write? 

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 What do you say to a teenage boy who “thinks he knows everything”? 

Choosing the perfect words to convey what I want my teenage self to know is truly daunting.  I’d probably overthink things and my prose would be just mindless ramblings.

It would have to be short, simple and straight to the point, because if you really think about it a teenager doesn’t really have the time to read something that looks like a page from a boring novel.

If I had to write a letter to my younger self, it would just be something that’s spontaneous and from the heart.  And this is how it would go:Ltr7Dear Teenage Mark,

When I look at you, I see someone with so much potential.  Don’t stifle that, don’t limit yourself and settle for what’s the easiest.  Sometimes taking the most difficult and challenging path is the one that will be the most gratifying.

 There are going to be tough times ahead, so feel free to lean on others for support.  You don’t have to go through it alone.  The words of wisdom and unconditional love of others is what will give you the strength to endure everything.

 Take the time to step back and savor the moments, even the most mundane one.  It may look like nothing to you now but as you get older, you’re going to wish you could relive those memories.

 Don’t be afraid to try new things!  Step out of your comfort zone and experience life.  There’s a world out there beyond the five feet in front of you.  AND if you start something…DON’T QUIT!  See it through till the end.

I strongly suggest that you listen to other people who know more than you because it is sound advice.  You DON’T know it all and if you think you do…you’re truly a dumb ass.  Cut that out before I travel back in time to slap some sense into you.

You’re going to meet a lot of people, just remember that not every one of them is going to like you.  And you’re not going to like every one of them.  That’s okay!  Just don’t be afraid to express your opinions around them, you’ll be better off for doing  so.

Friends will come and go in certain chapters of your life so learn from your experiences with them because they’ll help to shape a part of your personality.

Lastly, pursue your dream of writing with extreme vim and vigor.  DON’T obsess over finding representation or getting published, it is not the “be-all and end-all” of your writing…it will come in time.  (With a lot of luck and sheer dogged determination!) All those writing classes that you’re contemplating on taking…DO IT…it’ll help you in more ways than you know.  So start NOW…write constantly so that you find your voice, develop your unique writing style, build your passion and expand your imagination.

You are in store for one hell of a ride, so embrace everything that comes your way and keep your eyes wide open so that you won’t miss a thing.  It’ll all be worth it.

Be yourself and be eternally optimistic.

Stay Strong!

Mark

Cherished Memories

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“As you look towards the future

forget not the past

Savor the present

for in your memories they’ll last

There’ll be times in life

where things may be unclear,

just grit your teeth, head straight forward

and show you have no fear

There will also be days

when everyone brings you down,

so just remember my smile

like that of a cheerful clown

Remember the good times

shared between you and me,

and spread all of the happiness

to everyone you see.”

The Pitfalls of Being a Writer

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I not the best writer in the world, but I’m certainly not the worst; after 25 years of writing poems, children stories, short stories and screenplays, I believe that I’ve at least developed my craft of writing to the point where I’m able to express my thoughts.

 I always make an attempt to write every day; no excuses whatsoever.  As a writer, I make it a point to write in a succinct manner where my thoughts and words are easily understood by the reader and frames the piece of writing with my unique voice, style, heart and soul. 

 It doesn’t matter if my words are eloquent or simple, as long as the reader connects with what I’ve written then that’s all that matters.  Good writing is something that’s both memorable to the writer and reader alike.  Write2

With all that said, my one downfall of being an aspiring writer is when I have to correspond with a fellow co-worker, friend or family member via e-mail.

Every time I’m trying to send a message to them, my writer’s mindset kicks in and it feels as if I’m trying to compose something that should be considered for the Nobel Prize in Literature.   

 What I’m writing could be a response for a party invitation, updating what’s been going in my life to a friend or family member or telling the co-worker a status of a project.  It should be simple to reply back, right?

 HELL NO!!!  For me it’s complete anxiety to the infinite degree!!!

 I’m brainstorming what I should write, selecting words that must be perfect, constructing sentences so that it’s a bit creative and humorous and making sure that brevity is enforced.

“Why can’t I write it like I speak it?!  Isn’t that good enough?!”  For the rest of the world – YES!  For me…it’s just not sufficient enough…sigh.

 I type something down and then I rewrite it to the point of exhaustion; to top that off, before I hit “SEND”, I have to carefully read it to make sure that I conveyed what needed to be said correctly.

 I take something that’s super simple to do and turn it into a monumental task of outrageous proportions.  It’s totally, freakin’ ridiculous what I go through.  (Don’t get me started on Birthday, Sympathy or Wedding cards…that another beast in itself.) Again, maybe it’s the writer’s mindset or maybe it’s just me being a bit too anal, I kinda like to think it the former.Write4

Anyway…anytime I’m tasked with writing anything I, subconsciously or intentionally, am trying to make sure my words come across to the recipient in a way that makes them realize that a “writer” wrote this. 

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To Sing A Song Of Love

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There once was at time

when I doubted myself

confidence lost

hidden away on a shelf

Could I do what I say?

Will it turn out all right?

Will my life get on course

before I lose sight?

When all was lost

with my life turning blue

an angel on high

carried my heart straight to you

To sing a song of love

From my heart the words need to be true

To do anything in this world

I need the love from you

You helped me to see

what was already there

You opened up my eyes

with your heart that you had shared

You made me believe

that things can come true

You opened a feeling deep inside

a special gift from you

The feeling of love from within my heart

awakened, blossomed, it grew

Beauty unlocked for all to share

you set my life anew

Now I sing a song of love

from my heart the words are true

I can do anything in this world

as long as it’s for you

The magic that has found us

the love between you and me

One heart that now binds us

with you I’ll always be

Together we sing a song of love

our hearts forever true

Anything in this world I’ll do

as long as it’s for you.

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

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For all my life I’ve tried to be an eternal optimist in a somewhat pessimistic world.  (To be more specific, I’ve applied that thought to my life as an aspiring screenwriter.) Lately, however, I’ve been trying to adopt that to my personal life.

 You have to believe that otherwise your life would be desolate and miserable.  No matter how bad things may get, you should never feel hopeless because better days do lie ahead.  There is a light at the end of that long tunnel, it may be big as a spotlight or small as a penlight flashlight, but it is there.

 Believe me, there are some days when my convictions and faith are tested to the limits.  A bad day at work, an injury, arguments aplenty, caught in terrible weather, rejected for a prospective job, someone close passes away, illness…the list can go on and on and on.  Everything bad, whether insignificant or huge, becomes fodder for our mind’s consumption. 

 We’ve all been there and I know that each and every one of you’ve said the same thing – “WHY’S THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!”

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 It’s times like these when you start to wonder if there’s some validation to all the pessimism out there in the world.  Your outlook starts to look grim and any chance of bliss seems futile.  You begin to get envious of those around you whose luck and good fortune seem to line up effortlessly. 

 Once you get into that mindset, it’s SO difficult to recover; if you can’t, then you become another statistic in a world of pessimistic drones.  I’m not going to lie I’ve fallen into that trap numerous times, enough to the point where I have a plaque with my name engraved there.  But I’ve learned that no matter what, there really is brighter days ahead.

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 Anytime you encounter a bad situation and feel like it’s the end of the world…STOP!  Soak in what happened and know that you are not the only one experiencing something “catastrophic.”   There are millions upon millions of people out there going through a similar or maybe even worse situation.  You are not alone!  Turn to God and pray if that’s your faith, confide in family members and friends, or spend time with your beloved pet to get some clarity on your life.

 For every negative thing that happens, there’s some good that comes from enduring our ordeals.  We may be able to see it clearly, it may be subtle or it may reveal itself down the road.  Either way, something positive will always appear. 

Overcome each hurdle one at a time, jumping over the smallest one first.  Clearing one impasse leads the way to clearing the rest of the hurdles ahead of you.

 Who knows, we might discover a new found friend, gain confidence from an underlying skill we never knew we had or learn something useful…there are countless of things that could arise.  So in essence, there is a bright spot in an otherwise bleak situation; we just have to have a positive outlook. 

 We should instead think of possibly the worst situation we could be in and compare it to what we’re facing.  I’m sure it pales in comparison.  We’re alive and we get to see another day; some people are not so lucky.  Just relish in the fact that we’ve conquered past obstacles and live to tell the tale.  That’s an accomplishment in itself.

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 So when things don’t go your way, just stop, take a deep breath, soak in all that bad vibes and reflect on your life for a moment.   Look around you, look at your family, look at your friends, examine your life for a bit…reminisce on all the good times and laughter shared.  Revisit all those joyous memories and know that you’ve become a stronger person because of that.  Keep the faith in knowing that there’s always a glimmer of hope in the most dire of situations.

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The Gift of Love

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I’ve yearned too hard

I’ve cried for you

You were always there

when I needed you

Now that you’re gone

My heart’s broken in two

One half is of happiness

the other – a gift from you

You taught me how to live and learn

to smile when you’re blue

You’ve given my heart that special gift of love

one that’s grand and true

The feeling of love

you had given outright

The wonders of heaven

I shared with you tonight

I’ve found my love

with you, it’s true

the gift I’ve received

the special love of two

As I stand alone and think of you

my thoughts soar high above

My heart calls out for yours…

and sings this song of love

The feeling of love

you had given outright

This feeling of heaven

I felt tonight

I had found the love

that set my heart anew

the gift that you had given me

the love that came from you.

I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

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Back in 1984 a singer named Rockwell came out with the song “Somebody’s Watching Me” with Michael Jackson singing the chorus.  Before I go on, yes it was none other than “THE ONE AND ONLY” Michael Jackson.

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 The video starts off with a catchy but eerie tune and you see an unrecognizable face in the mirror; the whole music video featured Rockwell in his house and every time Michael sang the chorus “I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me” there was some random person out of nowhere either on the side or in the background observing Rockwell as he did his thing. 

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To this day I expect to see a creepy guy in a white wrap standing behind me off to the side like he did to Rockwell in the music video.

The most creepiest part of the video was when Rockwell was taking a shower and there was a woman, all in black, a few feet away twirling around.  The lyrics that came out during that scene was as follows:

 “When I’m in the shower
I’m afraid to wash my hair
‘Cause I might open my eyes
And find someone standing there.
People say I’m crazy
Just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me of
‘Psycho’ too much.”

 To this very day I wash my hair as quick as possible because I’m afraid that a serial killer or supernatural force will pounce on me once I close my eyes.

 The reason I bring up this song is because every so often I get the feeling that someone “is watching” me.  You know what I mean right?

 That feeling you get when you’re alone; it starts with all the hairs on your head standing up beginning with the roots and proceeds down the back of your neck onto your arms, all the while a cold chill engulfs your body as if you were dunked in ice water head first.  No one’s around but you just can’t shake that feeling that someone’s there in the room with you.  I call this the “chills down your spine phenomenon.”  It’s even worse if you have a pet and they get riled up for no reason and then the phenomenon occurs.

 Lately I’ve been having this feeling a lot; maybe it’s a “cause and effect” from watching too many reality ghost shows or I’m just a little cold.  Either way, my mind is running rampant with images of paranormal entities in my immediate vicinity.

 What else would cause this phenomenon to occur; there must be a logical reason for this but at this point I don’t think I could readily accept it. 

 All my mind can fathom is that every time the “chills down your spine phenomenon” happens, there’s either a deceased family member coming to visit or a malicious entity trying to latch onto me.

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 Granted the latter might be a bit of an overreach and bordering on paranoia but this self-reasoning somehow validates why I would get a chill running down my spine and the hairs standing on end.

 I’m sure that all of us experienced this phenomenon at some point in our lives; some may have felt the same way as I do while others simply brushed it off.  But we all can agree that when this unannounced chill overcomes us, we pause for a moment to decide what it could be.  We choose one or the other.

 I take comfort knowing that my family and friends all experienced this “chills down your spine phenomenon”; regardless of how they feel, I’ll just chalk up this feeling as grandpa or grandma coming to check up on me and making sure I’m safe and sound in this insane world.

What to blog or what not to blog…that is the question

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I’m not too sure if other bloggers encounter this dilemma but I go through this week after week.  Granted some bloggers write every two weeks, once a month or every couple of months while other write on a daily basis.  For me, I try to blog about something at least once a week; guess it’s the writer in me that needs to do this on a consistent basis.  I’m sure that all of us go through this, just trying to figure out what to blog or what not to blog about.

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 Some people specifically have an area of expertise or subject matter that can yield tons and tons of topics to cover, I unfortunately am not the case.  After a year of blogging, you’d think I’d have a host of things to talk about but that’s not the case. 

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 I think for me the main struggle is in figuring out what to say or what not say.  A couple of instances, I got an idea and soon realized that I blogged about it in a previous post.  Other times when the well ran dry and I ended up grasping for straws on a topic; it felt like I put in half the effort on something that should’ve required 110%.  I never realized the dilemma I’m in week after week; it’s harder that working on a screenplay.

 Okay, it’s not the worst place to be in but I always like to try and blog about something that’s interesting.  I’ve perused other sites and I’ve noticed that they’ve constantly posted stuff that’s cool and mind-blowing.  How do they do that?!  Do they even have that problem of deciding what to write about?!  Now if I could only do the same, guess not all of us are gifted in that aspect.    

If I could only get into their mindset when they’re preparing to blog then maybe I could get a perspective on how I could go about doing my blog.  Life would be much simpler.  BUT, that’s not the case for me.  Nothing ever comes easy and I accept that. 

 Maybe what to blog or what not to blog is not the question I should be asking myself, instead it should be “Do I enjoy blogging?” or “Is it worth my time?”  As you can see from this post, it’s an emphatic – YES!

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Two of a Kind

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Our common interests

that we both like to share,

our little talks

to show that we care

Our poetic writings,

very creative in style

our message of importance –

to have a warm friendly smile

Our insight to life

is as keen as can be,

we look for the goodness

in everyone we see

Our zest for life

is seen in what we do,

we try to brighten the day

to put a big smile on you

We do not let failure

get the best of the day,

we try to find the solution

somehow, some way

We are compatible –

both you and I,

in the things we do

and in the things we try

A girl like you

is really hard to find

so trust in love

cause we’re – Two of a Kind.

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Dance like no one is watching

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I could never fully understand the phrase “Dance like no one is watching”, guess I’ve always loved to dance so it never really mattered.  Never took a single dance class in my life but learned from going to all those high school dances and watching other dancers from nightclubbing or from TV.  I mimicked their moves and then put my own flair to it.

 More than anything, I’ve always let the music dictate how I moved on the dance floor, sidewalk, bedroom or hallway.  Never really cared if I looked funny, I was free to dance to my heart’s content.  Really didn’t practice except when it came to popping and break dancing.  Those were the only type of moves that needed to be perfected so that you didn’t look like crap.

French B-Boy Lilou (R) competes against Japanese B-Boy Taisuke at Jamsil Arena during the Red Bull BC One World Final, Seoul, Korea on November 30th 2013.

But going back to that phrase, the reason why I brought that up was because my teenage daughter wants to learn how to dance.  I thought to myself that this was a golden moment, I’ll offer up my services and in the process have a little father-daughter bonding experience.  How hard would this be; she took dance lessons for a couple of years but that was back when she was 4 and 5 years old.

 I asked her to show me what she remembered but she drew a blank.  Then I asked her to show me any type of dance move and she was too embarrassed to do so.

 I said to her “If you want to learn to dance, you can’t be afraid to show what you know even if it looks weird or stupid.  If you get over that inhibition, then your body will be able to move more fluidly.”  I’m not a dance teacher or professional by any means but in my opinion, if you’re not afraid of making an ass of yourself while dancing then you shouldn’t dance.

 I asked her again, to just show me anything.  There was a hesitation at first but then she “manned up” and showed me what was in her dance repertoire.  It was a bit rough and her coordination was slightly off but was impressive nonetheless.  I commended her for doing that and assured her that the hard part was over and I can teach her what I know.

As I was about to display some of my “go to” moves, she blurted out that she wanted to learn hip hop.  I thought to myself “I can manage that, it wouldn’t be the greatest but it shouldn’t be a problem.”  I came up with a move in my head and was about to display it when she added…”It has to be k-pop style.”   

 WAIT!  WHAT?!!!  K-POP STYLE, WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!

She wanted to learn a dance routine from a k-pop group that she thought was cool.  Now I had to check this out; I immediately went on YouTube and called up the video.  I had to admit, it was pretty awesome but way out of my league…but as a father trying to impress his child, I would never admit that.

 “I can teach you that.  Just let me watch it for a while and we can get started” I told her.

“Cool” was her only reply.  And with that she buried her face into her phone and was off in her little world.

So now I am tasked with learning an intricate dance routine and breaking it down into simple steps to teach my daughter.  What have I gotten myself into!?  This was surely a daunting task but I’m up for the challenge.  Don’t know how long it will take but I’m making it my mission to making my daughter mimic those moves fluidly and in the process adding more moves to my dance repertoire.

I’ll update my progress in future blogs and hopefully will post a video of the end result.  Here’s to a victorious end…TALLY HO!