How do you let go…
when for so long
your heart was
full of life,
had an abundance of joy,
content in all things
How do you let go…
when you know it’s time
but your heart and mind are
conflicted,
in pain,
lost in a sea of confusion
When it’s scary,
that’s when you jump
When your strength
is fueled by faith
When you take a chance,
see the world with eyes wide open
and dare to be great
That’s when you know…
it’s time to let go.
I look back on my life and take stock in what I’ve done and who I’ve become. The one thing that I take most pride in is my ability to be a good listener.
I’ve always felt that if a person takes the time to tell you something of importance, then you should respect that and give your undivided attention to what he/she has to say. I try to listen without judgement and really hear the other person’s words.
Too many times we’ve had and “A & B” conversation with someone but somehow ended up with “B” starting another conversation with “C & D” who just happened to pass by. At that point, you kind of feel irrelevant and try to uncomfortably slink away without being noticed.
In my case, I stay there like a complete doofus because of some sort of self-responsibility to finish what was started. AND when “B” returns back to the original conversation, the whole vibe is gone.
In my mind’s eye, I felt as if I was not important enough to hold your attention when I was unloading my feelings, advice and thoughts.
It is for that reason, in any conversation, that I look the other person in the eye and soak in what they’re telling me even if an outside party acknowledges me. My focus on the person is steadfast. This art of listening is something that I’m trying to instill in my children.
As the days and months go by, life seems to tick away as if it were mere seconds on a clock. Time is precious. So when someone needs to talk to you, be there for them…and listen as if they’re the only person left on this planet.
We wish good times would last,
that feeling of no tomorrow,
but we know that’s not the case
How does one stay strong
in the midst of the dark
When your life is riddled with
change,
crisis,
death,
tragedy,
pain,
heartache
We try to summon every ounce of
faith,
hope,
love,
courage,
support,
even false bravado
to overcome our trials and tribulations
We will never know how strong we are
until strong is the only choice we have
In the end if we do this, we’ll be
resilient in hard times,
fearless of the unknown,
eternally optimistic,
steadfast in our mind’s eye,
and
forever strong.
Back when I was much younger and starting out in the workforce, I used to think that a good paying job was the endgame to being happy and successful in life. All that consumed me was trying to work for a company where I could climb that corporate ladder to a six figure salary; I was young, naive and dreamed big. Little did I know that “all that glitters is not gold”.
I’ve seen people in good paying jobs but miserable as heck. And I’ve seen the opposite, some in okay paying jobs but loving every minute of it.
Regardless of pay, we need to be happy in our jobs. Why you may ask? Since we spend three-quarters of the day at our place of employment, it stands to show that it’s like our second home with our second family.
If we can’t be happy there, then those feelings sometimes get transposed into our home lives. We may not do that intentionally but it happens. Life is too short to be miserable and stressed out.
In my current stage in life, I’ve come to the realization that life is meant to be enjoyed to its fullest. After enduring the trials and tribulations of working many jobs, I only now know that if you’re not happy or enjoying what you do, find something that will. Better late than never, right?
This newfound wisdom is something that I impart on my children constantly. So the next time you’re out job hunting, rather than asking yourself “how much does it pay?”, ponder on whether it’s something that you would “love” or “enjoy” doing for the rest of your life. If you choose to follow the latter path, the pay will come. Work for love, not money.
I’m always in awe every time I peruse the other blog sites; their writings are eloquent, articulate, beautiful, concise, humorous, lyrical and picturesque. Even after all these years of writing, I sometimes feel like I’m not in their league.
Because of that, I tend to have a qualm with my writing style; doubts creep in. Am I too wordy? Is my writing clear enough to get the message across? Am I too boring? Not funny enough? What are the other readers thinking?
Every time I sit at my computer to write, I always wonder if the words that I choose truly evoke what I’m feeling deep inside. Because of that, my writing process is hampered. 
Often times I get stuck trying to figure out how to convey my thoughts into words. Do I use simple words? Are there more elegant ones that would make it sound more thought provoking? If I use those words will I sound too flowery? Or will it make me sound like an idiot for not using it the correct way? 
The plethora of words wage war and usually the victor emerges after a few minutes. But even then, I still question as to how I’ll form sentences with it. 
Writing shouldn’t be this difficult right? It should be free flowing without any debilitating thoughts. Or at least that’s how I envision it. Why do I always go through this?!
I do admit that I’m getting better at not having these hang-ups but the thoughts are there in my somnolent memory waiting to bust out unexpectedly.
But I’ve concluded that this is what I love to do. So I just plow ahead, write it down and not fret! The way I write is who I am and I should accept it. Other writers don’t care. We all do this because this is our passion. We only care if we are inspired, entertained or informed about one another’s writings.
So in the end, it’s all good.
In the past, I’ve always embraced change because I felt it made you a better person for learning how to cope and adapt. Our brains are wired to do the same things over and over again, whether it be good or bad, tedious or fun.
It’s never an easy task to handle but it pushes you out of your comfort zone and tests your strength and mettle. I thrived in the face of change because it snapped me out of my rut. It was different, it was new and I got to think outside the box.
Currently I’ve made a life changing decision to resign from my job of 12 years to work for a non-profit organization. I was absolutely excited for the opportunity to do something that was both rewarding and satisfying at the same time.
Now I’m counting down my final days at my current work place, feeling nostalgic in the process. My co-workers are sad but happy that I’ll be moving on to something better.
As I wait for the unknown, I find it quite difficult to accept the change that’s about to occur. Thoughts of doubt creep into my mind. “Am I making a mistake?” is all that is echoing throughout my conscious.
To do something for 12 years and then starting over from scratch is a terrifying thought…especially at my age. This is truly overwhelming for me to handle. I’m not going to lie, I’ve had sleepless nights this past week and will probably get even more in the coming days to follow.
My therapy was to confide in my co-workers about what I’m feeling; free psychological advice from people with various life experiences.
All exude positivity which help to sort of subdue what I’m feeling. It was helping for a moment until I asked a co-worker who I found work for the same organization (for only 6 months)that I’m off to start a new career in.
Her experience was not pleasant, more like toxic. “WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” was my first response. Then “OH MY GOD! DID I JUST MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE!” blared like an EMS siren in my head.
She assured me that it was 10 years ago that she had worked there and her experience wasn’t pleasant because of the type of person she is. She insisted that my experience might not be like that, so I needn’t worry.
Too late, the seeds of doubt had been planted and could not be shaken. When I confided in my other co-workers of her experience, they echoed the same sentiment that it might not be like that for me.
So here I am now with conflicting emotions, wondering what I will encounter in the next chapter of my life. The battle between experiencing a great opportunity versus making a huge mistake will continue until I walk through the doors of my new job.
Until then, I just need to try and live in the moment; soak up as much good memories as I can with the friends that I’ve made and take that feeling on into the unknown.
I can’t believe it, just had to pinch myself. It’s officially been 2 years since I started this venture of blogging…didn’t think I’d last a year let alone two. It somehow feels more like 3 or 4 years but time really has a way of making things seem longer than what they really are. Nonetheless, I am plugging away and putting myself out there for others to stop by and peruse my musings.
I can honestly say that this truly was a journey, one that I was a bit skeptic at undertaking; it kind of felt like homework to me. One where I would be critiqued by not one, not two but countless of others who would find aspects of my work unappealing.
I hesitated for a moment thinking “Am I crazy?! I don’t need to deal with this!” But at my manager’s behest, and her unbridled positive enthusiasm, I decided to “Go for it!”
Even though my blog site is still a work in progress and I haven’t found a niche, I’ve found this venture to be both therapeutic and phenomenal.
I used to be afraid of what people would say about my writing style, my stories, my poems and even my rants and raves. Just putting myself out there without regard of what negative feedback I may get is somewhat liberating.
It’s as if this blog site was my personal diary; a place where I can let my inner voice run wild. A place where my ideas and feelings can paint a picture that was somehow hidden deep within my somnolent consciousness.
Every post written, every word chosen enabled me to create my art with unbridled pride and joy. AND sharing myself…giving some semblance of positivity, inspiration and insight into how I see the world is invigorating. I’m lucky to be able to do this of my own volition. I love what I’ve done so far and eagerly look forward to what I come up with on my next post.
I count my blessings every day I wake up; I have a wonderful wife, two great kids, a loving pet, caring family members and loyal friends. My health is going well with the exceptions of a few aches and pains but that comes with age.
Lately, however, I’ve been feeling a tad bit unfulfilled; stuck in a rut and in a funk. My life has stalled for some reason and it’s as if there’s something lacking in my life that somehow can’t be extinguished. I noticed that it tends to rear its head when I’m at work.
Day in and day out, I trudge into the office to work for a private corporation whose bottom line is one of financial profit instead of valuing interpersonal relations with its employees. Those that work tirelessly are underappreciated while the slackers and less qualified upper management are praised highly for taking credit where credit is not due.
Granted the pay is good but like I said earlier, it’s lacking in substance. I’m at that age where I want to do something that matters; to make a life changing decision. Yes, I know that sounds so cliché (and NO I am not trying to apply for sainthood) but it’s the God’s honest truth.
I want to work in a place where I know the things that I am doing are for the betterment of someone or a cause. You know the feeling you get when you help someone in dire need without a thought of receiving anything in return? The sense of doing something favorable for purely selfless reasons and cracking that big inner smile in the process; you can do no wrong when you give of yourself to someone.
That’s what I want to feel; I want to smile more while working instead of being worried about deadlines. Learning to have more empathy for those that are in a far worse predicaments than I am. Strengthening my compassion towards strangers. Spreading hope when there is none. And enjoying life in the whole scheme of things. Doing something that’s rewarding and feeling a sense of self-satisfaction at the end of the day is what I’m longing for. Being able to do this would not only enrich my being but it would give meaning to my place in life.
Most recently, I have been applying at places of interest that do that sort of thing for quite some time…but unfortunately no luck. But that did not deter my desire for achieving the goal of doing something worthwhile to satisfy my inner soul.
I’ve been tirelessly perusing sites where I can volunteer my time and make a difference. The most eye opening aspect of this process is seeing the number of pages that the volunteer application forms contain.
Some even require medical documentations of past immunizations, past work history, references, reasons for volunteering and a mandatory commitment for your free services. My how times have changed from when I did community service back in high school.
Even if this whole process is time consuming, my urge to really do something worthwhile and make a difference in someone’s life is all that matters. My hope is that I can find the perfect fit and in doing so quench that burning inner desire.
In my opinion, one of the best things about being a writer is showcasing our inner voice through our pieces of prose to the world. Our writing style, our choice of words and our descriptive passages all reflect our artistic expression hidden deep within. 
Everyone’s writing style is unique; it can be eloquent, serious, humorous, wordy, concise or simple. The fact that we get our point across to any and all readers, in whatever fashion our voice dictates, is truly amazing. AND the painstaking years that it took just to get us comfortable in writing is a feat in itself. AND the tremendous courage it takes to put forth our laborious effort for strangers to read. 
That’s why I enjoy reading other people’s work; I love the fact that they took the time to share something that was on their mind. I’m able to get a semblance of their personality through their choice of topics and words. It’s like meeting a stranger and getting to know them through their writing. The more I read, the more I become familiar with them. 
We as writers share a piece of our soul in the hopes of bringing to view something that we feel has value and get a sense of self-satisfaction from doing so. Our reasons for exhibiting our work can be therapeutic, informative or for entertainment.
I’ve known a couple of writers, however, that were quite hesitant to impart their work for public viewing for fear of crucifying comments or lack of praise. They toiled over their piece but found it difficult to take it to the next step; in the end, they abandoned their desire for writing. It was a sad loss because I felt that they had something of quality that was worth sharing.
We need to lose all inhibitions and accept the fact that there will be some people that’ll like what we write and others that’ll hate it. It all comes with the territory of our craft and shouldn’t be a factor in deterring our passion for writing.
The joy we get from putting pen to paper, the dedication to honing our craft, the anticipation of producing something substantial from a mere thought and the gratification from seeing the final product are qualities that strengthen our passion. In the end, our devotion to writing should outweigh all reactions, whether it be good or bad. So let loose, face your fears, WRITE and let your “Inner Voice”shine through.
Although my friend has long passed, for some reason I was thinking about him today and wished that my children could’ve met him. I wrote a poem about him that best describes what he meant to me.
We were young and so new
when we started work at the store,
learning the business fast
was really a chore
We were clumsy, awkward,
and a little bit naive,
but you put your faith in us
and made us believe
In time we grew smart
with each passing day,
you lent us your wisdom
through the stories you say
In you we saw a role model
with all the qualities of the heart,
you were generous, kind, humorous, helpful
to all of us from the start
Though you left us way too early
your traits in us were sown
Let one message come to mind
and let it be known
We wish you the best in Heaven
in whatever you do,
We give you our love
and will surely miss you
So here is our gift,
so special, so true,
It symbolizes our love
to a friend we found in you.
Midlife, Maniacal & Me 