Anxiety

Pause…Breathe…Reset

/ markmkane / 2 Comments

Sometime when we are
stressed, depressed, worried or have anxiety,
being alone in our thoughts
can be unhealthy
So take a step back, breath,
clear your mind
and make it a point
to seek out family and friends
Spending time with them
will reset your perspective on life
and will help you gain insight
The wonders of
friendly advice, loving support and good laughs
will do your soul wonders
So relax, for it’s not the end of the world
You will get through it and
come out stronger in the end
with a robust confidence
backed by an eternal well of hope

Diary of an Over-Thinker

/ markmkane / Leave a comment

Think1

You’re thinking too much, you’re thinking TOO MUCH, YOU’RE THINKING TOO MUCH!

 I’ve always wondered if there was a gene that caused over-thinking.  The reason for the curiosity is because I am one of those people and it truly sucks to have this debilitating psyche consume you.

 Being an over-thinker makes you become analytical, obsessed and anxiety prone.  Your every waking moment becomes preoccupied with the problem at hand; it could be health related, work related, a relationship or situation. 

 To those that aren’t like this, I’ll give you an insight as to how I am.

 Step One: “Problem arises”

The first thing I do is determine if it’s something minor or serious. If it’s the latter, it begins to stew in my head until it comes to a boil.

Step Two: “How to solve this” 

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I begin to pour over all the possible solutions that can quickly solve this quandary so that it doesn’t escalate into a full-blown dilemma.  Once I find a suitable answer, I’m calm and copacetic once again.

Step Three: “Scenarios, scenarios, scenarios”

You’d think that once I found a clear explanation to what I’m going through it’ll be over.  Nope, my mind starts to get into gear and different scenarios begin to pop up.  As a writer, my imagination can create very pleasant and very detrimental storylines. A mental slideshow of all the possibilities play out in a never ending loop. 

Step Four: “The worst is yet to come”

Rather than being the self-professed “eternal optimist” I vehemently claim to be, my mindset turns over to the “dark side” and the worst engulfs me.  I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel and begin to convince myself that the only outcome will be disastrous.  I begin to lose sleep, my appetite wanes and depression develops.

Step Five: “Panic and anxiety are my new buddies” 

Now that I feel that the unfavorable will likely occur, panic and anxiety encompass my thoughts.  I am no longer in control of my life and have to place my blind trust in the forces that have my life’s remote control.  The world feels like it’s coming to an end and I am truly envious of others around me who are happy and carefree.  To feel like that again would be a luxury to be cherished for all time.

Step Six: “Sunny disposition?!”

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I make an attempt at some normalcy to ease my stress induced fear by going through my everyday normal routine, but somehow I can’t truly be myself.  It’s like my head’s in a fog and my demeanor is a former shell of itself.  I try to put on an Oscar worthy performance for my family, friends and co-workers but it ends up being everything that merits a Razzie award.

Step Seven: “Under a microscope”Think5

Throughout it all, I begin to question if I could’ve done something to prevent this problem from ever coming to fruition.  I scrutinize every miniscule thing that brought me up to that point and sigh in utter defeat for lack of insight.

Step Eight: “All things must come to an end”

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The day finally arrives when my issue is addressed; several of the crisis turned out fine, while the others ended up FUBAR.  Either way, it felt as if the world was lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe normally once again.  I needed a couple of day to adjust back into the “real” world but life was good again.

Sad to say, I go through these steps every single damn time a health/work/relationship catharsis occurs.  I am much stronger and wiser for going through this metamorphic happenstance but I also feel as if I lost at least 10 years of my life enduring this burdensome dilemma. 

It’ll never end, it’s just in my DNA makeup and I just don’t know how to change it.  There’s got to be a way to stop over-thinking.  I just got to find out how.  Now where to start…wait, you’re starting to think too much.

The Pitfalls of Being a Writer

/ markmkane / Leave a comment

Write1

I not the best writer in the world, but I’m certainly not the worst; after 25 years of writing poems, children stories, short stories and screenplays, I believe that I’ve at least developed my craft of writing to the point where I’m able to express my thoughts.

 I always make an attempt to write every day; no excuses whatsoever.  As a writer, I make it a point to write in a succinct manner where my thoughts and words are easily understood by the reader and frames the piece of writing with my unique voice, style, heart and soul. 

 It doesn’t matter if my words are eloquent or simple, as long as the reader connects with what I’ve written then that’s all that matters.  Good writing is something that’s both memorable to the writer and reader alike.  Write2

With all that said, my one downfall of being an aspiring writer is when I have to correspond with a fellow co-worker, friend or family member via e-mail.

Every time I’m trying to send a message to them, my writer’s mindset kicks in and it feels as if I’m trying to compose something that should be considered for the Nobel Prize in Literature.   

 What I’m writing could be a response for a party invitation, updating what’s been going in my life to a friend or family member or telling the co-worker a status of a project.  It should be simple to reply back, right?

 HELL NO!!!  For me it’s complete anxiety to the infinite degree!!!

 I’m brainstorming what I should write, selecting words that must be perfect, constructing sentences so that it’s a bit creative and humorous and making sure that brevity is enforced.

“Why can’t I write it like I speak it?!  Isn’t that good enough?!”  For the rest of the world – YES!  For me…it’s just not sufficient enough…sigh.

 I type something down and then I rewrite it to the point of exhaustion; to top that off, before I hit “SEND”, I have to carefully read it to make sure that I conveyed what needed to be said correctly.

 I take something that’s super simple to do and turn it into a monumental task of outrageous proportions.  It’s totally, freakin’ ridiculous what I go through.  (Don’t get me started on Birthday, Sympathy or Wedding cards…that another beast in itself.) Again, maybe it’s the writer’s mindset or maybe it’s just me being a bit too anal, I kinda like to think it the former.Write4

Anyway…anytime I’m tasked with writing anything I, subconsciously or intentionally, am trying to make sure my words come across to the recipient in a way that makes them realize that a “writer” wrote this. 

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