The Gift of Love

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I’ve yearned too hard

I’ve cried for you

You were always there

when I needed you

Now that you’re gone

My heart’s broken in two

One half is of happiness

the other – a gift from you

You taught me how to live and learn

to smile when you’re blue

You’ve given my heart that special gift of love

one that’s grand and true

The feeling of love

you had given outright

The wonders of heaven

I shared with you tonight

I’ve found my love

with you, it’s true

the gift I’ve received

the special love of two

As I stand alone and think of you

my thoughts soar high above

My heart calls out for yours…

and sings this song of love

The feeling of love

you had given outright

This feeling of heaven

I felt tonight

I had found the love

that set my heart anew

the gift that you had given me

the love that came from you.

I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me

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Back in 1984 a singer named Rockwell came out with the song “Somebody’s Watching Me” with Michael Jackson singing the chorus.  Before I go on, yes it was none other than “THE ONE AND ONLY” Michael Jackson.

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 The video starts off with a catchy but eerie tune and you see an unrecognizable face in the mirror; the whole music video featured Rockwell in his house and every time Michael sang the chorus “I Always Feel Like Somebody’s Watching Me” there was some random person out of nowhere either on the side or in the background observing Rockwell as he did his thing. 

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To this day I expect to see a creepy guy in a white wrap standing behind me off to the side like he did to Rockwell in the music video.

The most creepiest part of the video was when Rockwell was taking a shower and there was a woman, all in black, a few feet away twirling around.  The lyrics that came out during that scene was as follows:

 “When I’m in the shower
I’m afraid to wash my hair
‘Cause I might open my eyes
And find someone standing there.
People say I’m crazy
Just a little touched
But maybe showers remind me of
‘Psycho’ too much.”

 To this very day I wash my hair as quick as possible because I’m afraid that a serial killer or supernatural force will pounce on me once I close my eyes.

 The reason I bring up this song is because every so often I get the feeling that someone “is watching” me.  You know what I mean right?

 That feeling you get when you’re alone; it starts with all the hairs on your head standing up beginning with the roots and proceeds down the back of your neck onto your arms, all the while a cold chill engulfs your body as if you were dunked in ice water head first.  No one’s around but you just can’t shake that feeling that someone’s there in the room with you.  I call this the “chills down your spine phenomenon.”  It’s even worse if you have a pet and they get riled up for no reason and then the phenomenon occurs.

 Lately I’ve been having this feeling a lot; maybe it’s a “cause and effect” from watching too many reality ghost shows or I’m just a little cold.  Either way, my mind is running rampant with images of paranormal entities in my immediate vicinity.

 What else would cause this phenomenon to occur; there must be a logical reason for this but at this point I don’t think I could readily accept it. 

 All my mind can fathom is that every time the “chills down your spine phenomenon” happens, there’s either a deceased family member coming to visit or a malicious entity trying to latch onto me.

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 Granted the latter might be a bit of an overreach and bordering on paranoia but this self-reasoning somehow validates why I would get a chill running down my spine and the hairs standing on end.

 I’m sure that all of us experienced this phenomenon at some point in our lives; some may have felt the same way as I do while others simply brushed it off.  But we all can agree that when this unannounced chill overcomes us, we pause for a moment to decide what it could be.  We choose one or the other.

 I take comfort knowing that my family and friends all experienced this “chills down your spine phenomenon”; regardless of how they feel, I’ll just chalk up this feeling as grandpa or grandma coming to check up on me and making sure I’m safe and sound in this insane world.

What to blog or what not to blog…that is the question

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I’m not too sure if other bloggers encounter this dilemma but I go through this week after week.  Granted some bloggers write every two weeks, once a month or every couple of months while other write on a daily basis.  For me, I try to blog about something at least once a week; guess it’s the writer in me that needs to do this on a consistent basis.  I’m sure that all of us go through this, just trying to figure out what to blog or what not to blog about.

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 Some people specifically have an area of expertise or subject matter that can yield tons and tons of topics to cover, I unfortunately am not the case.  After a year of blogging, you’d think I’d have a host of things to talk about but that’s not the case. 

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 I think for me the main struggle is in figuring out what to say or what not say.  A couple of instances, I got an idea and soon realized that I blogged about it in a previous post.  Other times when the well ran dry and I ended up grasping for straws on a topic; it felt like I put in half the effort on something that should’ve required 110%.  I never realized the dilemma I’m in week after week; it’s harder that working on a screenplay.

 Okay, it’s not the worst place to be in but I always like to try and blog about something that’s interesting.  I’ve perused other sites and I’ve noticed that they’ve constantly posted stuff that’s cool and mind-blowing.  How do they do that?!  Do they even have that problem of deciding what to write about?!  Now if I could only do the same, guess not all of us are gifted in that aspect.    

If I could only get into their mindset when they’re preparing to blog then maybe I could get a perspective on how I could go about doing my blog.  Life would be much simpler.  BUT, that’s not the case for me.  Nothing ever comes easy and I accept that. 

 Maybe what to blog or what not to blog is not the question I should be asking myself, instead it should be “Do I enjoy blogging?” or “Is it worth my time?”  As you can see from this post, it’s an emphatic – YES!

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Two of a Kind

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Our common interests

that we both like to share,

our little talks

to show that we care

Our poetic writings,

very creative in style

our message of importance –

to have a warm friendly smile

Our insight to life

is as keen as can be,

we look for the goodness

in everyone we see

Our zest for life

is seen in what we do,

we try to brighten the day

to put a big smile on you

We do not let failure

get the best of the day,

we try to find the solution

somehow, some way

We are compatible –

both you and I,

in the things we do

and in the things we try

A girl like you

is really hard to find

so trust in love

cause we’re – Two of a Kind.

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Dance like no one is watching

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Dance1

I could never fully understand the phrase “Dance like no one is watching”, guess I’ve always loved to dance so it never really mattered.  Never took a single dance class in my life but learned from going to all those high school dances and watching other dancers from nightclubbing or from TV.  I mimicked their moves and then put my own flair to it.

 More than anything, I’ve always let the music dictate how I moved on the dance floor, sidewalk, bedroom or hallway.  Never really cared if I looked funny, I was free to dance to my heart’s content.  Really didn’t practice except when it came to popping and break dancing.  Those were the only type of moves that needed to be perfected so that you didn’t look like crap.

French B-Boy Lilou (R) competes against Japanese B-Boy Taisuke at Jamsil Arena during the Red Bull BC One World Final, Seoul, Korea on November 30th 2013.

But going back to that phrase, the reason why I brought that up was because my teenage daughter wants to learn how to dance.  I thought to myself that this was a golden moment, I’ll offer up my services and in the process have a little father-daughter bonding experience.  How hard would this be; she took dance lessons for a couple of years but that was back when she was 4 and 5 years old.

 I asked her to show me what she remembered but she drew a blank.  Then I asked her to show me any type of dance move and she was too embarrassed to do so.

 I said to her “If you want to learn to dance, you can’t be afraid to show what you know even if it looks weird or stupid.  If you get over that inhibition, then your body will be able to move more fluidly.”  I’m not a dance teacher or professional by any means but in my opinion, if you’re not afraid of making an ass of yourself while dancing then you shouldn’t dance.

 I asked her again, to just show me anything.  There was a hesitation at first but then she “manned up” and showed me what was in her dance repertoire.  It was a bit rough and her coordination was slightly off but was impressive nonetheless.  I commended her for doing that and assured her that the hard part was over and I can teach her what I know.

As I was about to display some of my “go to” moves, she blurted out that she wanted to learn hip hop.  I thought to myself “I can manage that, it wouldn’t be the greatest but it shouldn’t be a problem.”  I came up with a move in my head and was about to display it when she added…”It has to be k-pop style.”   

 WAIT!  WHAT?!!!  K-POP STYLE, WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN?!

She wanted to learn a dance routine from a k-pop group that she thought was cool.  Now I had to check this out; I immediately went on YouTube and called up the video.  I had to admit, it was pretty awesome but way out of my league…but as a father trying to impress his child, I would never admit that.

 “I can teach you that.  Just let me watch it for a while and we can get started” I told her.

“Cool” was her only reply.  And with that she buried her face into her phone and was off in her little world.

So now I am tasked with learning an intricate dance routine and breaking it down into simple steps to teach my daughter.  What have I gotten myself into!?  This was surely a daunting task but I’m up for the challenge.  Don’t know how long it will take but I’m making it my mission to making my daughter mimic those moves fluidly and in the process adding more moves to my dance repertoire.

I’ll update my progress in future blogs and hopefully will post a video of the end result.  Here’s to a victorious end…TALLY HO!

An apple a day…

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Apple

We all know that phrase “An apple a day keeps the doctor away” right?  The reason why I’m thinking of this right now is because I’m sick.  Not dying sick or sick like in awesome but the kind of sick where you have a stuffy nose, sore throat, phlegm type of coughing, fever and body aches kind of sick.

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Back when I was in my teens and 20’s, getting sick wasn’t a big deal.  I would either shake it off or the duration would last at the most a couple of days.  I felt “invincible” with a super strong immune system to boot.  It gave me the ability to go out have fun and live with unabashed fear.

As I got into my 30’s, I noticed that I couldn’t quite shake off my cold or flu as fast and the length of days extended at least two more days; still felt “invincible” but cautious at the same time.

Now that I’m in my 40’s, that feeling of invincibility is nowhere to be found and “vulnerability” is the mindset that I now hold.

I can’t quite shake off an illness like I used to, the length of being under the weather feels like eons and my immune system is almost nonexistent.

No matter how much I intake liquids and ingest every know over-the-counter cold and flu medications, the process of recovery is moving at a snail’s pace.  I feel a slight trepidation on when I get into my 50’s, 60’s or even 70’s.

Why am I writing this when I’m sick you may ask?  The answer is simple…I have no freakin’ clue?!  Guess it’s my OCD kicking in or the writer in me feeling the need to be diligent and disciplined in having something to say each and every week. Yeah it’s stupid, but in the end I just gotta be me.  This week’s blog might not make any sense or be a complete waste of time but in my opinion, I fulfilled my quota for this week.  Now I’m off to pop more meds into my system and crash in bed for the next several hours.

An exam by any other name

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The other day I was going through all my e-mails and de-cluttering my account by deleting all of the old stuff.  What I came across was an e-mail back in 7/15/2010 that I sent to my friends and co-workers about my first time prostate examination experience.  As I read through it, I vividly relived that moment and thought to myself “Did I really go through that ordeal?!”

I remembered dreading that day but in hindsight I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off for writing it down and sharing a “private” moment with others.  And now I’d like to share it with those that stumble across my blog post for this week.

Here you go:

“I can now say that I’ve officially had something shoved up my butt for the first time in my life.  It was an experience to say the least.  How’d it go you say, well…

 I brought my family with me to my appointment for peace of mind, not that it helped any cause all I could think of was the inevitable.  As usual, I got called in for a pre-check: weigh in, temperature, high blood pressure and then was sent back out to wait.  On any other visit that would be fine but today it was hell.  Visions of what to expect raced through my mind…would it hurt, how long would the drilling be, would it hurt, what position am I gonna be in, would it hurt…things of that nature.

 When I got called in and led to my examination room, I thought to myself “Everyone goes through this type of examination in some shape or form.  So cowboy up and get it done!” 

 As I was waiting in the exam room, the cowboy got the hell outta Dodge and I was left with my own thoughts again.

 My doctor came in, as usual all smiles, and I was ready to do this.  He began by opening up my records and talking about the results of my blood test…LDL, HDL levels, the kidneys, the liver and so on and so forth.  Asked how I was doing, my workout routine, nutrition, any problems with vision, hearing, bowel movements.  What the hell is with all of this talking?!  Can’t we just do it and then talk later? 

 The doctor, still all smiles, went through the usual routine of checking the eyes, ears, nose, throat, breathing, reflexes, feeling lymph nodes and all over my mid-section.  At this point in time, all that I could compare this examination to was the routine of sex.  Yes, even at a juncture like this that “every 7 seconds” rule is still present.  (According to studies, men think about sex every 7 seconds…yeah right, as if.  More like 5 in my opinion.) The talking at the beginning was chit chat, and now all this touchy feely thing is fore play. 

 Finally when he was satisfied, he opened a drawer and started laying some contents onto a table.  A roll of toilet paper which he unravelled, a little packet, gloves and a tube of surgical lubricant from which he squeezed a big glob.  KA-PACK!…on went the gloves and “Take off your pants” was heard.  I briefly saw his face and what pissed me off a little was that he was still all smiles.  What a frickin’ bastard!

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 He told me to turn around, face the wall, and bend down and put my elbows on the bed.  “Holy shit here we go!”  For a nano-second, I remembered that just the other night on cable, I had seen a scene like this on a soft core porn movie.  (Every 7 seconds again.) 

 As he spread my butt cheeks, all I could think about was trying to find “my happy place.”   As that finger went in, any hopes of finding “my happy place” went out the door.  Although it lasted for about 5-7 seconds, the theory of relativity kicked in and it felt longer.  He put a sample of stool onto the packet and the result was negative.  My prostate was normal and I don’t have anything to worry about; he showed me a model of what he was doing while he was playing roto-rooter. 

 With that he wanted to schedule me for another exam like this next year.  Next year?!  I asked him that if I had nothing to worry about why do I have to come back again.  Couldn’t this be done every 5 years?  I guess when you pass 40 these things need to be done.  Shit–fine then! 

 I left the room, walking just slightly different than how I came in, and feeling a bit strange for the experience.  No wait…that was just an urge to wipe off all that excess lube still in my butt crack. 

 Anyway I just wanted to share and figured it would be therapeutic to let it all out.”

Anime…not just animation but a “way of life”.

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Since I was a young boy, I’ve been a product of the TV generation.  It was always TV, TV, TV…could never quite get into listening to the radio to pass the time away.  For me it was, “What’s the latest thing on TV that’ll keep my attention for this week” scenario.  I was glued to the TV anxiously waiting for the latest cartoon or live action show that really and truly “WOWed” me.

 It was a time when there was no cable TV or 24 hour viewing of thousands upon thousands of channels.  It was either black & white or color TV with three or four stations that had a sign on and sign off time…this meant that television stations started their broadcast day at 5 or 6am and went dark at 12 midnight.  Believe me this really sucked and wished I could’ve been born in the 21st Century.

 But as product of growing up in Honolulu, Hawaii in the 70’s with KIKU-TV, I was fortunate to view different types of shows that the rest of the nation were not readily exposed to.  I got to see:

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Kikaida & Kikaida-01

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Rainbow Man

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Kamen Rider V-3

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Go Rangers

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Inazuman

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Denjin Zaboga

and

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Akumaizer 3

Every week I made sure that the adults knew that Saturday’s between 6-7pm was my time to watch “my” programs.  This was my world and I absolutely LOVED IT!  It was such a mind trip seeing these fantastical beings doing action stuff.

I couldn’t get enough of it.  Week in and week out my mind would wonder what each new episode would reveal.  After their run ended, the station broadened their scope and started featuring such cartoons like:

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Yuusha Raideen

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Getter Robo G

 I called them cartoons because back then that’s what they were known as “cartoons”; anime was not readily said in those times.  Watching this was a change of pace from the “live action” stuff, but was AWESOMELY COOL nonetheless.  After its run, the station starting airing more passive cartoons like

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Candy Candy

Candy Candy and Ikkyu-San; granted I gave it a shot and watched a couple of episodes but quickly decided that it was not my usual fare.  A couple years after, that station soon stopped airing kids’ shows and concentrated on more adult themed programs.

As I advanced in age, I started watching the usual stuff like G.I. Joe, Transformers, Thundercats, and Silverhawks but nothing really captured my attention as “MUST SEE.” My life felt a little hollow and there were times when I longed to be fully invested in something different again.

In the late 80’s, our household got cable; back then the viewing was not like how it is in 2016, channels didn’t quite reach the 100 mark but it was different nonetheless.

One fateful day, I flipped the channel to Fuji Television and stumbled across Hokuto No Ken (Fist of the North Star).

With eyes widened and mouth agape; I stood there in silence.  I was completely floored; the animation wasn’t as crude like it was in the 70’s and the action was off the charts.  As soon as it ended I had an “OMG WTF just happened!!!” moment.

Something stirred from within; that hollow space was now whole again and I had to watch another episode, and another, and another.  This became “MUST SEE” TV for me again.  It was my first exposure to the world of Japanese animation…I became invested in a series once again and I LIKED IT!

The series ran for a couple of years and ended to my dismay.  I was starved for more and eagerly scoured their listing for any and all new animation but no such luck.  More adult themed shows popped up again and I was back to feeling empty inside.

Fast track to the 90’s…with the advent of the internet and the progression it made, I soon stumbled across internet sites where they featured Japanese “anime” for viewing entertainment.  Now this was where I first came across the term “anime” and was awed at all the types of series that were out there.

The graphics were more refined and the movement and action were almost human-like.  This was mind-blowingly insane and there were no words to describe my thoughts.  I viewed a whole bunch of anime but was somehow drawn at the time to a series called Naruto.

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Naruto

I liked the concept and idea of the shinobi and their fighting aspects AND I thought the hand gestures to use certain jutsu’s was remarkably cool to boot.  I followed the Naruto series religiously and all of the movies in-between.

When it ended, I was depressed that I would follow the same pattern as before BUT was pleasantly surprised that it continued on in the form of Naruto Shippuden…AND there were more movies to follow as well.  I was in absolute heaven…so, this was “anime”…it was purely orgasmic to be a part of this world.

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Naruto Shippuden

Living in the 21st Century and having two kids who are into “anime” helps to broaden my horizons as well.  They introduce me to shows that they think I might like:

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One Punch Man

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Attack On Titan

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Parasyte

With a cornucopia of anime programs out there, it’s impossible to view every single one.  Having extra pair of eyes helps to filter the awesome ones from the not so interesting ones.  Such a time saver.

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I’m glad that I went on this journey of discovery (and evolution) of Japanese animation.  AND through all this, I learned that “anime” was not just a thing…but a way of life.  It was a lifestyle that I had to experience to fill a part of my soul.

My Wedding Vow…

/ markmkane / Leave a comment

My life had no meaning

it was desolate and blue,

darkness consumed me

until I met you.

The times spent with you

gave me a feeling so great –

it felt like paradise

had just opened its gate.

Your warmth and your kindness

that you eagerly gave,

my belief in your love –

my life you have saved.

Your faith in me was strong

through the good and the bad,

you gave of your love

made me appreciate what I had.

Your lovely voice,

your warm tender smile

the presence of your beauty

makes love all the worth while.

This feeling for you

is so hard to convey,

to pick one true meaning

would be unjustly to say.

My spirit soars

when your presence is near,

“YOU”…the love of my life

gives me reason to cheer.

To have you as a partner in life

is a great honor for me,

and eternity in heaven

is what our lives will always be.

It’s Showtime!

/ markmkane / Leave a comment

Movie1

As an avid movie goer and struggling screenwriter, I constantly look forward to upcoming new movies; in my case it’s action, thrillers, animation and comedies.  Let’s face it, I’m a guy and those are the things that keep me most interested in my love of movies.

 At the start of each year, I look at the release dates of all the prospective movies that I must see and jot them down on my “Must See” movie list.  After that’s done, I make another list called my “Must Get DVD” list; it’s mainly for movies that I want to see but feel that I could wait until the DVD comes out.   

 Now…back to my “Must See” list; I post it in my cubicle at work and look at the release date of the movie and the current date.  I was never good in math but my mind quickly calculates the countdown clock in my head as to how long before I’m sitting in that theater watching that movie with mouth agape and eyes wide open in pure awe.

 In the days leading up to the release, I constantly peruse my favorite movie sites anxiously waiting to get a glimpse of that first trailer. 

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Viewing it once is never enough, I need to see it three, four…heck ten times just to soak in and absorb what I missed the first time around. 

 Months turn to weeks and then to days as I wait in baited breath for that second trailer and a final trailer of that “Must See” movie on my list.  Seeing it several times over and over again is the process that I have to go through to catch all the nuances of what I’ll be seeing once I get into that theater.

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 Tick, tock, tick, tock…the countdown in my head starts as I wait in feverish anticipation to all the amazing things I’ll be seeing.  I look at my favorite sites to see who got the chance to preview the movie early and see if they divulged any small spoilers about what to expect.  I’m the kind of person that like hearing these things; it never ruins the movie for me.  If it’s on my “Must See”, nothing will detract me from going to see it. 

 The only thing in the build up to seeing a movie on my “Must See” list that I don’t thoroughly enjoy are the early reviews.  If it’s a good one, I’ll read it; guess it’s a way of validating what I knew all along about why I chose this movie. 

 If it’s a bad one, I’ll read it quickly and completely ignore it; sometimes critics over analyze a movie to the point of exhaustion.  If a movie entertained me and made me forget about all my problems for two and a half hours, then it did its job!  End of story!

 On movie day, I purchase my ticket, get the necessities and choose a seat all the way at the back of the auditorium so that I can view this movie in grand spectacular fashion.  It can’t get here any quicker; I constantly look at my watch and watch the minutes wind down.  When the lights dim, I lean back in my chair and sigh in utter relief that that time has come; it’s finally…SHOWTIME!