A Spark Of Hope

October 1, 2016 / markmkane / Leave a comment

Ever have one of those days when things just don’t seem to go your way or situations pop up that test your limits? We’re all faced with that time and time again; believe me, I’ve had my share ten times over and then some. There are other that have it even worse.

What I’m most curious about is how others cope with their personal struggles. How do they keep positive in light of all the bad things that are happening to them? What gives them the drive to face their dilemma head on and never give up?

When problems arise in my life, my “doom and gloom meter” starts to rise and my mind starts to go into overdrive about all the things I could’ve done to avoid this mess. My outlook starts to look depressingly hopeless and my daily routines are all out of whack.

I start to do normal things on auto-pilot all the while racking my brain on how to solve my problems or obstacles so that I can get back on track and live normally again.

When this happens, I start to get into a funk and feel like “Why does this always happen to me and when will it all end! Can’t I just get a break?!” Just when I see there is no solution to my turbulent mess, “a spark of hope” appears out of nowhere.

For me, that can come in the form of my dog greeting me at Mach speed with unconditional love and adoration. A big bear hug from my wife. It can even come from watching my kids simply do their homework or observing family members go about their daily routine. It’s amazing how something so small and mundane can make a difference.

Just the mere sight of them snaps me out of my much misaligned chaotic demeanor. It’s weird but seeing something like that, just soaking in those positive things gives me hope. Remembering all the good times and feeling so blessed to have a family like mine helps a lot; knowing that I overcame previous predicaments helps in the process. Maybe subconsciously I know that I have their undying love and support in my corner and I know I’m not facing my predicaments alone.

Can’t really explain it; I get a renewed sense of energy and endless possibilities about my life explode in my head…AND it’s all good. It feels as if nothing in the world can stop me from accomplishing anything and everything!

It’s funny how something so simple can become a beacon of unbridled optimism. Life doesn’t appear so bleak and I’m enthusiastically anticipating what’s in store for me in an hour, a day, a week or months from now. I begin to envision a more desirable and successful future for myself which might or might not happen. Who cares?!

My “spark of hope” is all that matters in driving my life forward. As long as I have that grain of reverie then everything is fine.

I can’t fathom how this process works but I’m just truly grateful that this “spark of hope” can do wonders for me. I just pray that this sparkle continues to light all of the dark and hard times that I’ll encounter in my life.

Forever With You

September 24, 2016March 15, 2020 / markmkane / 2 Comments

A twinkling in your eyes I see

in the darkness of the night,

all hurt and pain has left me now

cause I’ve finally seen the light

I don’t know how I’ve gone this far

without really knowing you,

my life has suddenly taken a turn

everything seems so new

In your eyes I see a vision,

in my heart I know it’s true

this feeling that grows from deep within

is all because of you

You’re all that I’m longing for

You’re all my dreams come true

My life would be so complete

If I could spend forever with you

It’s amazing how love really works

it’s astonishing to see,

You, out of all the strangers in the world

that was truly meant for me

Love is purely magical

in each and every way,

If my heart had a mind of its own

this is what it’ll say:

“Do you believe in magic?

I hope you really do,

cause the love that stirs from deep within

is all because of you

No part of me will let you go

You’re all my dreams come true

My life would be so complete

If I could spend forever with you”

I believe in love because

it’s special and so true,

cause it found it’s place within my heart

and I owe it all to you

I’ll always be there, by your side

You’re all my dreams come true

My love will you let me spend –

Forever With You.

Never Giving Up

September 10, 2016 / markmkane / Leave a comment

heartbreak1

I’ve been hurt too many times…

too much to count

I’m scared,

because I’m starting to feel cold inside

To have no feelings for another

is the most scariest thing to experience

That’s why I keep trying so hard

I keep coming back for more punishment,

for more heartbreak

Because to lose that feeling of caring

caring for someone…

means to die inside

Losing all the wonderful qualities

of one’s self –

Lost forever in a world of darkness.

How A Filofax Created My “Bucket List”

September 3, 2016September 3, 2016 / markmkane / Leave a comment

As I rummaged through the closet looking for something that I can’t even remember, I stumbled upon my Filofax. Yes, I did say Filofax.

For those born in the 21^st century, it’s a small looking folder that contains a calendar, day planner, notepad, plastic sleeves, ruler, pen holder, calculator, etc… Basically it’s a personal organizer that helps you to manage your time, appointments, meetings and tasks. Bucket9

It’s really a folder that you write down all the things you need or want to do on a given day and reference it when you can’t recall what it is you were supposed to do.

Back in the 90’s it was a real popular thing to have but I resisted the urge to have one because I felt it “dumbed” you down and made you prone to not using your brain to remember things.

When I saw the movie “Taking Care of Business” with Jim Belushi and Charles Grodin, my views on the Filofax changed. I somehow became obsessed with owning a Filofax, even though I had no need for one. I caved in and bought one to my delight; “I HAD A FILOFAX AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERED!”

Since I was in college, I had nothing on my plate except for my classes; I spent money on this thing so I felt like I had to write something in the Filofax to validate me buying the damn thing. Bucket10

I jotted down my class times even though I already knew the schedule by heart. I could not think of a single thing to put in it; one fateful day while in class, as the professor was droning on about God knows what, I wondered what I wanted to accomplish in my life. Now I know that people make bucket lists all the time, but I started to do this when it wasn’t something popularly spoken.

One day I had one goal, the next day another and the next day another. Soon I ended up with 4 and a half pages of things I wanted to accomplish or “Life Goals” as I called it, since I didn’t really know what a bucket list was at the time.

My list wasn’t extreme like going skydiving, bungee jumping, swimming with sharks or climbing Mount Everest; my goals centered around my career in being an established writer, getting literary representation, sell my screenplays, finding a soulmate, getting married and buying a house just to name a few.

It wasn’t exciting or glamorous but they were “MY” goals; they were all attainable only if I was committed to seeing it through. As the years flew by, that Filofax of mine soon became a fixture in an obscure corner of a book shelf and then somehow ended up in storage within my closet.

Don’t ask me how or why that had occurred, but it did. I guess somewhere along in my life things happened that caused me to forget about what I had wanted to accomplish.

So cut to the present and back to the start of this post, when I stumbled across this decrepit Filofax I immediately opened it and rifled through the pages to where I scribbled my “Life Goals”.

As I looked through the list I made 20 some odd years ago, I grabbed a pen and started to check off what I had accomplished. The ones that were accomplished put a smile on my face and satisfaction rippled down my spine. Bucket5

As for the ones that I didn’t do, I paused for a moment to wonder why that was. Clearly it was something that I can still do. “What’s stopping me?” is all that I could think of. I felt that it was still a “Life Goal” that I still want to attain.

As of this writing, I am trying my best to see things through and accomplish what I set out to do when I was a young man in college. With a little luck, hard work and dogged determination, I know I’ll check off every single one of my “Life Goals” before I take leave of this Earth.

Goodbye To A Dear Friend

August 27, 2016August 27, 2016 / markmkane / 2 Comments

My Friend…

Today you’ve left a space in my heart

a void that not anyone can make

To do this one has to unselfishly give of one’s self

You did just that and more

You gave yourself freely,

shown your love openly and unbiased,

gave your ear for someone to bend

and comforted a cold and lonely body

with your warmth and tenderness

Your companionship is unmatched

and your heart is forever captured

right here in my private treasure chest

where your love is kept safe

until it is ready to be freely shared

to the one who’s worthy and unselfish,

the one who will learn as well as accept

the gift of unconditional love

But until that time comes

my heart will not be whole,

for the space that was left

will be a most tremendous task to fill

Because the love that I’ve received

is but one of a kind

that is unique only to you,

…My Friend.

So You Think You Can Dance

August 20, 2016August 20, 2016 / markmkane / Leave a comment

Dance7 In an earlier post I had talked about my daughter wanting to learn how to dance…more specifically dance “K-Pop” style. Well, it’s been three months since I started this quest to help fulfill one of my daughter’s dream and it’s been going quite well.

We’re not quite where we want to be but I’m proud of the fact of how far we’ve both come along. I’m not a professional dancer by any means but I think we’re getting the hang of this style of dancing.

When my daughter wanted to learn how to dance, I originally anticipated her asking me about break dancing or popping. I was ecstatic and brushing off the cobwebs in a portion of my mind of all the old routines I used to do back in my heyday when I was a B-Boy (I wasn’t the best but I clearly wasn’t the worst).

Like I said earlier, when she wanted to learn “K-Pop” style, my mind went blank and I had absolutely no idea what that entailed. “Where do I start?” and “How am I going to pull this off?” were the only things that ran rampant in my mind.

K-Pop dancing has very intricate moves; it’s almost as if you are doing synchronized choreography. Dancing by yourself is one thing, but doing it at the same time with another and hitting your marks at the same time is DAMN TOUGH! These kids nowadays have much more rhythm than the kids I grew up with…simply amazing.

The things that helped me to get over this hump was the fact that she wanted to learn a routine from a specific Korean pop song and YouTube. YouTube is simply the best because you can learn just about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING on that site. I knew that can find a lot of stuff on YouTube but…WOW! Where was this when I was growing up?!

There were tons of tutorials and people doing dance covers that truly enlightened me as to the style that me and my daughter were about to learn.

After endless hours of watching the tutorials and clumsily mimicking the moves, we were inching our way towards our goal. Man, for someone my age, this quest is daunting. Not dancing since my high school and college days also added to the challenge.

Doing something like this with my daughter, however, is priceless. I was glad that my daughter took an interest in dancing, something that I LOVED to do when I was her age.

We got a lot of work ahead of us to complete our goal. And…“How long will that take?” Your guess is as good as mine but I take solace in the fact that we’ll get there. AND when we get there, I know we’ll get that sense of satisfaction and accomplishment that we were striving for. Hopefully it’ll be soon so that I can upload the video to my blog to show you the results and make you see that we can REALLY DANCE!

Finding Love

August 13, 2016March 15, 2020 / markmkane / Leave a comment

When I sit home all alone at night

and dream of what might be,

of finding that special someone to love

someone who’ll care for me

I look into the eyes of strangers that I meet

hoping to find my true love,

but what I really long to see

is an angel sent from heaven above

To find an angel here on earth

is a most difficult task to do,

but if the heart is pure as gold

a path’ll be shown straight and true

To follow this path is long and hard

more often vague than clear,

but if a feeling grows within one’s self

it proves that love is near

When one encounters this special feeling

they never take it at a glance,

for love is a difficult game to succeed at

it’s often left up to chance.

Diary of an Over-Thinker

August 6, 2016August 6, 2016 / markmkane / Leave a comment

Think1

You’re thinking too much, you’re thinking TOO MUCH, YOU’RE THINKING TOO MUCH!

I’ve always wondered if there was a gene that caused over-thinking. The reason for the curiosity is because I am one of those people and it truly sucks to have this debilitating psyche consume you.

Being an over-thinker makes you become analytical, obsessed and anxiety prone. Your every waking moment becomes preoccupied with the problem at hand; it could be health related, work related, a relationship or situation.

To those that aren’t like this, I’ll give you an insight as to how I am.

Step One: “Problem arises”

The first thing I do is determine if it’s something minor or serious. If it’s the latter, it begins to stew in my head until it comes to a boil.

Step Two: “How to solve this”

Think15

I begin to pour over all the possible solutions that can quickly solve this quandary so that it doesn’t escalate into a full-blown dilemma. Once I find a suitable answer, I’m calm and copacetic once again.

Step Three: “Scenarios, scenarios, scenarios”

You’d think that once I found a clear explanation to what I’m going through it’ll be over. Nope, my mind starts to get into gear and different scenarios begin to pop up. As a writer, my imagination can create very pleasant and very detrimental storylines. A mental slideshow of all the possibilities play out in a never ending loop.

Step Four: “The worst is yet to come”

Rather than being the self-professed “eternal optimist” I vehemently claim to be, my mindset turns over to the “dark side” and the worst engulfs me. I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel and begin to convince myself that the only outcome will be disastrous. I begin to lose sleep, my appetite wanes and depression develops.

Step Five: “Panic and anxiety are my new buddies”

Now that I feel that the unfavorable will likely occur, panic and anxiety encompass my thoughts. I am no longer in control of my life and have to place my blind trust in the forces that have my life’s remote control. The world feels like it’s coming to an end and I am truly envious of others around me who are happy and carefree. To feel like that again would be a luxury to be cherished for all time.

Step Six: “Sunny disposition?!”

Think12

I make an attempt at some normalcy to ease my stress induced fear by going through my everyday normal routine, but somehow I can’t truly be myself. It’s like my head’s in a fog and my demeanor is a former shell of itself. I try to put on an Oscar worthy performance for my family, friends and co-workers but it ends up being everything that merits a Razzie award.

Step Seven: “Under a microscope” Think5

Throughout it all, I begin to question if I could’ve done something to prevent this problem from ever coming to fruition. I scrutinize every miniscule thing that brought me up to that point and sigh in utter defeat for lack of insight.

Step Eight: “All things must come to an end”

Think13

The day finally arrives when my issue is addressed; several of the crisis turned out fine, while the others ended up FUBAR. Either way, it felt as if the world was lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe normally once again. I needed a couple of day to adjust back into the “real” world but life was good again.

Sad to say, I go through these steps every single damn time a health/work/relationship catharsis occurs. I am much stronger and wiser for going through this metamorphic happenstance but I also feel as if I lost at least 10 years of my life enduring this burdensome dilemma.

It’ll never end, it’s just in my DNA makeup and I just don’t know how to change it. There’s got to be a way to stop over-thinking. I just got to find out how. Now where to start…wait, you’re starting to think too much.

Eyes Wide Open

July 30, 2016July 30, 2016 / markmkane / 1 Comment

When something life changing happens in our lives, we no longer see the world as it once was. We tend to take things a little slower, take deeper breaths, smile more and soak in all the mundane and ordinary stuff that we normally overlooked in our hectic lives.

Why does it have to take something so drastic for us to stop and truly appreciate all that we have in life? We get so caught up in paying our bills, material things that we don’t really need and disregarding the time that could be spent with friends and loved ones.

Our society has us so desensitized as to what we really should be paying attention to. That’s just wrong. Granted there are a lot of terrible things happening in the world today but that shouldn’t stop us from really taking stock in what’s most important in our lives.

A good laugh, reminiscing on all the great times we’ve experienced, watching your kids growing up, hugging and kissing your spouse, spending quality time with your parent, give thanks for our parents for raising us, cuddling your pet, getting soaking wet in the rain…just the simple things.

We all need to get out of daily routine once in a while and truly enjoy what we have around us. If we could just do that every so often, our lives will have much more meaning…much more value.

Please don’t let a tragedy occur in order for us to really see all the great things in front of us that we ignored. Enjoy life because it really is too short. Do what makes you laugh, smile, sing or dance. Thank God for the life you’ve had and for what you’ve got. Help those around you in need of assistance. Create a bucket list and starting living before life has passed you by.

Love Hard, Laugh Hard and Live Hard! Live for yourself, live for your loved ones…live without fear and unabashed enthusiasm!

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No Scared, Chance ‘um!

July 23, 2016 / markmkane / Leave a comment

If you were born and raised in Hawaii, the pidgin language became a part of your everyday conversation. It’s like slang words that were created here in Hawaii that “all” the locals tend to speak. Even if you spoke perfect English, chances are a few pidgin words would creep in, unconsciously, as you’re speaking.

pidgin

Everyone from every state has their own slang words that seem like a foreign language to those that are visiting their state.

Why am I bringing this up you may ask? The other day, I overheard a colleague mentioning that she saw her favorite actor vacationing down here but was too afraid to go up and get a picture with him, let alone saying hi.

When I heard this I thought to myself, “Why would you be afraid to do so?” When are you ever going to get the chance to meet your favorite actor/actress/sports athlete ever again? You’ll always regret for not doing so.

Growing up in Hawaii, I was always accustomed to hearing “Chance ‘um!” uttered among the people around me. “Chance ‘um” is a phrase in the pidgin language that means “Go for it!” or “No shame, take a chance.”

What’s the worst thing that famous person would say to you if you approached him/her, “I will cut your eyes out and burn your house down!” I think not! The absolute worst would be “No” or “Sorry, I don’t want to be bothered right now.”

You’d be surprised as to how many famous A, B, C or D-list celebrities would welcome an adoring fan. Granted there are those that would just turn you away but “SO WHAT!” These famous people are just regular human beings who just so happen to appear on TV or play in the biggest sports arena in the world. If you are courteous in your approach, chances are they’ll reciprocate in kind.

When I was young, I got the chance to meet one of my favorite AND my very first celebrity, Jack Lord, at Ala Moana Shopping Center with my father. Jack Lord - Five-0 Jack was an imposing man with a stern gaze; he looked liked the Steve McGarrett from the original Hawaii Five-O I remembered watching on TV. I was so scared of him that I squirted his pants with my water gun and hid behind my father. Suffice to say, my dad, being the cool cat that he is, played it off and told him that he was my favorite actor on TV. Jack, flashed a really big smile and got down on his knee to greet me at eye level; he shook my hand and then lifted me up so that my dad could take a picture of me with him. Lucky for me I had a dad whose hobby was none other than photography. He turned out to be super nice and gracious.

When I was in college, I worked part-time at Ala Moana Shopping Center and ironically got a second chance to meet another celebrity. There was a crowd within Shirokiya‘s electronic department; being the curious type, I worked my way through to see what all the commotion was about. It was none other than Stevie Wonder with his assistant at the counter. Steve

THIS WAS STEVIE WONDER!!! I was a bit puzzled as to why no one was approaching him, all I could think of was we were all in awe of this legend that we all had cold feet.

I was in shock as well to be so close to a man whose songs were known worldwide, but suddenly things changed when that phrase “Chance ‘um” popped up in my subconscious. I felt like what the hell, what do I have to lose. THIS WAS STEVIE WONDER!!! So I got bold and went up to him, told him that I loved his songs and to keep up the good work. He stuck out his hand, trying to meet with mine; stupid me, in my excitement I totally forgot that he was blind and trying to find my hand. I then left feeling totally overwhelmed from the experience and in hindsight wished we had cellphones back then so I could have gotten a picture of the experience.

Since then whenever I had an opportunity to meet a celebrity, the phrase “Chance ‘um” came into play. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity so don’t pass it up. Over the years I got a chance to meet a host of known people and was fortunate that all of them were super nice and down to earth about me “respectfully fawning over their celebrity status.

All I can say is that if you ever have a chance encounter with any A, B, C or D-List celebrity and you want to meet them but hesitant to do anything about it, “No be scared, CHANCE’ UM!“

You just might have an awesome experience with that “somewhat famous” person and be the envy of your friends and family.

Here are just some of the people who were SUPER NICE and took a picture with me.