As my mind grows old and starts to fade, I try to create lasting memories with family, friends and loved ones everyday.
How do you let go…
when for so long
your heart was
full of life,
had an abundance of joy,
content in all things
How do you let go…
when you know it’s time
but your heart and mind are
lost in a sea of confusion
When it’s scary,
that’s when you jump
When your strength
is fueled by faith
When you take a chance,
see the world with eyes wide open
and dare to be great
That’s when you know…
it’s time to let go.
You’re thinking too much, you’re thinking TOO MUCH, YOU’RE THINKING TOO MUCH!
I’ve always wondered if there was a gene that caused over-thinking. The reason for the curiosity is because I am one of those people and it truly sucks to have this debilitating psyche consume you.
Being an over-thinker makes you become analytical, obsessed and anxiety prone. Your every waking moment becomes preoccupied with the problem at hand; it could be health related, work related, a relationship or situation.
To those that aren’t like this, I’ll give you an insight as to how I am.
Step One: “Problem arises”
The first thing I do is determine if it’s something minor or serious. If it’s the latter, it begins to stew in my head until it comes to a boil.
Step Two: “How to solve this”
I begin to pour over all the possible solutions that can quickly solve this quandary so that it doesn’t escalate into a full-blown dilemma. Once I find a suitable answer, I’m calm and copacetic once again.
Step Three: “Scenarios, scenarios, scenarios”
You’d think that once I found a clear explanation to what I’m going through it’ll be over. Nope, my mind starts to get into gear and different scenarios begin to pop up. As a writer, my imagination can create very pleasant and very detrimental storylines. A mental slideshow of all the possibilities play out in a never ending loop.
Step Four: “The worst is yet to come”
Rather than being the self-professed “eternal optimist” I vehemently claim to be, my mindset turns over to the “dark side” and the worst engulfs me. I can no longer see the light at the end of the tunnel and begin to convince myself that the only outcome will be disastrous. I begin to lose sleep, my appetite wanes and depression develops.
Step Five: “Panic and anxiety are my new buddies”
Now that I feel that the unfavorable will likely occur, panic and anxiety encompass my thoughts. I am no longer in control of my life and have to place my blind trust in the forces that have my life’s remote control. The world feels like it’s coming to an end and I am truly envious of others around me who are happy and carefree. To feel like that again would be a luxury to be cherished for all time.
Step Six: “Sunny disposition?!”
I make an attempt at some normalcy to ease my stress induced fear by going through my everyday normal routine, but somehow I can’t truly be myself. It’s like my head’s in a fog and my demeanor is a former shell of itself. I try to put on an Oscar worthy performance for my family, friends and co-workers but it ends up being everything that merits a Razzie award.
Step Seven: “Under a microscope”
Throughout it all, I begin to question if I could’ve done something to prevent this problem from ever coming to fruition. I scrutinize every miniscule thing that brought me up to that point and sigh in utter defeat for lack of insight.
Step Eight: “All things must come to an end”
The day finally arrives when my issue is addressed; several of the crisis turned out fine, while the others ended up FUBAR. Either way, it felt as if the world was lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe normally once again. I needed a couple of day to adjust back into the “real” world but life was good again.
Sad to say, I go through these steps every single damn time a health/work/relationship catharsis occurs. I am much stronger and wiser for going through this metamorphic happenstance but I also feel as if I lost at least 10 years of my life enduring this burdensome dilemma.
It’ll never end, it’s just in my DNA makeup and I just don’t know how to change it. There’s got to be a way to stop over-thinking. I just got to find out how. Now where to start…wait, you’re starting to think too much.