Mid-Life Reflections #12

When I was younger, I’ve felt like I was never successful in all of my life. It’s mainly because I was an indecisive person who worried too much. I wandered around but could never break out of my little world. I used to make ambitious plans during the night but continued to grumble about my daily grind the next morning. It got to the point that I was fed up with my place in life and decided that I needed to make a change. I wasn’t going to wait for the next day, I needed to act immediately. I made a commitment to to stay focused on whatever endeavors I pursued, maintained my demeanor of perseverance and became eternally optimistic in everything. In short, I learned that it all starts with you. If you don’t like something, do something about it. Make a change in your life, “you” need to be the one to initiate it. Don’t wait for tomorrow or possible things that may happen. Do something about it. Dream big, there’s no limit to your potential. It’s your life, live it the way you would like it to be. Start now and make a change for the better.

The End of an Era

A1

When all things must come to an end

How do you say goodbye

to the friendships formed through years of…

laughter,

good times,

rough patches,

sorrow,

arguments

The bond that was created was unique,

one that can never be broken

A rapport that can never be extinguished

Is it possible to find that in the unknown?

A place where

you’re new,

vulnerable,

scared

Is there hope in finding

that special connection

with another person again?

One who’ll share

Your smiles,

sadness,

concerns,

fears,

joy,

You can never go back,

you can only cherish that special memory

of a past that you can no longer relive

You can only be grateful,

appreciative,

and carry on

By the grace of God,

with some luck,

you’ll stumble upon a new era

and experience new things

that will resemble the past.

Midlife Reflections #4

A9

How do you deal with change?  Especially the life changing ones.  This has been weighing on my mind the past couple of days.  In the past, when I was much younger, this was never a concern; in fact I enjoyed experiencing change.

As I got older, I got married, had children, found a secure job. I found a daily routine that made my life simple.  I was content with the way things were in my life and for a person that likes control…I was in heaven.

Now all of a sudden, I’m changing jobs. Going from a good paying job to something that is much less but with great benefits.  On top of that, opportunities are presenting themselves to where my passion, my dream, can become a reality.

My younger self would’ve been thrilled with what’s going on.  Welcoming the change, the unpredictability.  But my present self and my current state of mind is a bit hesitant.  Don’t get me wrong, a part of me is really excited but three quarters of me is not.  Fearing the unknown is truly terrifying.

A7

You would’ve thought that through all my years, all of my accumulated experiences would prepare me for this.  But it never does.  The only thing that I’ve learned was that sometimes you got to take a leap of faith into the unknown.

It might work out, it might not.  It’s a chance that I have to take.  I’ve always learn to bet on myself to endure whatever life threw at me.  It’s so cliché to say this, but as long as my family and friends are there for support, advice and guidance, change can be bearable.

A6

It’s a given that change will always happen.  We will always be both excited and scared from it but we should have the confidence in ourselves to know that we’ll get through it.  Possibilities for great things are there if we just take a chance.

A4

To Change or Not To Change

In the past, I’ve always embraced change because I felt it made you a better person for learning how to cope and adapt.  Our brains are wired to do the same things over and over again, whether it be good or bad, tedious or fun.

It’s never an easy task to handle but it pushes you out of your comfort zone and tests your strength and mettle. I thrived in the face of change because it snapped me out of my rut. It was different, it was new and I got to think outside the box.

Currently I’ve made a life changing decision to resign from my job of 12 years to work for a non-profit organization.  I was absolutely excited for the opportunity to do something that was both rewarding and satisfying at the same time.

Now I’m counting down my final days at my current work place, feeling nostalgic in the process.  My co-workers are sad but happy that I’ll be moving on to something better.

As I wait for the unknown, I find it quite difficult to accept the change that’s about to occur.  Thoughts of doubt creep into my mind.  “Am I making a mistake?” is all that is echoing throughout my conscious.

To do something for 12 years and then starting over from scratch is a terrifying thought…especially at my age.  This is truly overwhelming for me to handle.  I’m not going to lie, I’ve had sleepless nights this past week and will probably get even more in the coming days to follow.

My therapy was to confide in my co-workers about what I’m feeling; free psychological advice from people with various life experiences.

All exude positivity which help to sort of subdue what I’m feeling.  It was helping for a moment until I asked a co-worker who I found work for the same organization (for only 6 months)that I’m off to start a new career in.

Her experience was not pleasant, more like toxic.  “WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” was my first response.  Then “OH MY GOD! DID I JUST MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE!” blared like an EMS siren in my head.

She assured me that it was 10 years ago that she had worked there and her experience wasn’t pleasant because of the type of person she is.  She insisted that my experience might not be like that, so I needn’t worry.

Too late, the seeds of doubt had been planted and could not be shaken.  When I confided in my other co-workers of her experience, they echoed the same sentiment that it might not be like that for me.

So here I am now with conflicting emotions, wondering what I will encounter in the next chapter of my life.  The battle between experiencing a great opportunity versus making a huge mistake will continue until I walk through the doors of my new job.

Until then, I just need to try and live in the moment; soak up as much good memories as I can with the friends that I’ve made and take that feeling on into the unknown.