To Change or Not To Change

/ markmkane / Leave a comment

In the past, I’ve always embraced change because I felt it made you a better person for learning how to cope and adapt.  Our brains are wired to do the same things over and over again, whether it be good or bad, tedious or fun.

It’s never an easy task to handle but it pushes you out of your comfort zone and tests your strength and mettle. I thrived in the face of change because it snapped me out of my rut. It was different, it was new and I got to think outside the box.

Currently I’ve made a life changing decision to resign from my job of 12 years to work for a non-profit organization.  I was absolutely excited for the opportunity to do something that was both rewarding and satisfying at the same time.

Now I’m counting down my final days at my current work place, feeling nostalgic in the process.  My co-workers are sad but happy that I’ll be moving on to something better.

As I wait for the unknown, I find it quite difficult to accept the change that’s about to occur.  Thoughts of doubt creep into my mind.  “Am I making a mistake?” is all that is echoing throughout my conscious.

To do something for 12 years and then starting over from scratch is a terrifying thought…especially at my age.  This is truly overwhelming for me to handle.  I’m not going to lie, I’ve had sleepless nights this past week and will probably get even more in the coming days to follow.

My therapy was to confide in my co-workers about what I’m feeling; free psychological advice from people with various life experiences.

All exude positivity which help to sort of subdue what I’m feeling.  It was helping for a moment until I asked a co-worker who I found work for the same organization (for only 6 months)that I’m off to start a new career in.

Her experience was not pleasant, more like toxic.  “WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” was my first response.  Then “OH MY GOD! DID I JUST MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE!” blared like an EMS siren in my head.

She assured me that it was 10 years ago that she had worked there and her experience wasn’t pleasant because of the type of person she is.  She insisted that my experience might not be like that, so I needn’t worry.

Too late, the seeds of doubt had been planted and could not be shaken.  When I confided in my other co-workers of her experience, they echoed the same sentiment that it might not be like that for me.

So here I am now with conflicting emotions, wondering what I will encounter in the next chapter of my life.  The battle between experiencing a great opportunity versus making a huge mistake will continue until I walk through the doors of my new job.

Until then, I just need to try and live in the moment; soak up as much good memories as I can with the friends that I’ve made and take that feeling on into the unknown.

It Always Rains When I Cry

/ markmkane / 3 Comments

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Lately I’ve noticed that

it always rains when I cry,

very comforting to know

I really don’t know why

Finding joy in sadness

makes no sense at all

but being in tune with one’s self

is to have the wherewithal

Knowing that you cared enough,

to give all of your heart,

emotions put on full display

for you to pick a la carte

 Empathy, compassion and love

caring traits…so tride and true,

can sometimes be our downfall

that all unbalances you

Recently I’ve notice that

it always rains when I cry,

but knowing that nature carries on

exhibits hope I can identify

 Life has its ups and downs

it shows you who you are,

embrace your journey wholeheartedly

do that and you’ll go far.

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My Voice…

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My voice…

falls silent in the wind,

since you’re not around

My life went off track

will my heart

be the one to bring me down

Oh why…

why do I feel this way

when my heart had you to love

 

We had the chance,

the chance to make it right

But the love you had

was never meant for me

so I sit here,

alone…pondering

all the things I want to say

But alas…

my voice falls silent in the wind.

 

A Birthday Poem

/ markmkane / 1 Comment

 

As I sit here pondering what to write, I reflected for a moment on my life.  I saw my daughter’s baby picture situated on a shelf off to the left of my computer.  I soon realized that my little girl will turn 17 this year…in a few more years, she’ll be 21 years old.  Geez, where’d all that time go?!

I wondered what would I say to her once she gets to that age.  A poem came to mind, so I figured I’d write a poem for my daughter’s future self.  This is what I came up with:

“Happy Birthday Chloe

you’re finally 21,

You’re at that age

where you can enjoy illegal adult fun

Remember when you were young

when you dressed up and pretended to be old

To be a full-grown woman

was to be daring and bold

As time passed on, 

you played the game of life

The need to be an  adult woman

was joined by the desire to be a wife

You’re finally a woman,

with many birthdays gone by

The youthfulness is still in you

as the clouds are in the sky

Age doesn’t matter

so don’t let it bother you

Just be yourself and in the end

to your heart you will be true

Be cheerful, be happy

you’re now 21,

Happy Birthday Chloe

and many more to come.”

 

 

An Eternal Optimistic Kid In A Pessimistic World

/ markmkane / 3 Comments

Call it wishful thinking, call me a dreamer, or call it what you will but I am a certifiable optimist.  Let me rephrase that, “I am an eternal optimist in a somewhat pessimistic world!”

In light of all the insurmountable odds stacked against me in whatever I’m undertaking, I always see an opportunity for the best thing to happen and hope for it to come to fruition.

That may sound like arrogance or being a bit too confident but I feel that it’s much better to be that way than to think negatively of the circumstance.  Thinking of all the things that could go wrong tends to impede our progress and changes our mindset from a “can do” to a “can’t.”

I’d rather come from a place where I believe that it can happen or possibly could happen.  Having a semblance of hope drives us to do our best.  Just knowing that we have a chance to attain our dreams, get that job, be accepted into that prestigious college, whatever…makes us all the more enthusiastic.

There’s a bounce to our step, a gleam in our smile, a twinkle in our eyes that exude positivity.  In our current time, we need to have a strong belief that some good will come from our hard work and efforts.

Granted not all things happen like we wish it to, in my case it’s a majority of the time, but it serves as a reminder that it’s better to try and fail than to do nothing. AA2

What drives me to be eternally optimistic is my internal fountain of hope; that gives me the sheer strength to endure.  Just knowing that I won’t fail all the time is ammunition for me.  If I just don’t give up and go that extra mile, maybe just maybe I’ll achieve my goal.

I try to have a kid’s outlook on life where everything’s attainable.  Children are not jaded, children have no limits, children see a straight line to their goals.  Unbridled optimism guides their path without regard for the chiming in of the adult’s skepticism.

We should all just make an attempt to stick with something and see through it till the end…who knows, it might be productive or we could’ve been on the cusp of attaining it.  Regardless, our mindset will change and we’ll see the possibilities in our next endeavor.

Being optimistic is not everyone’s cup of tea, most of the people I know are more logical; they know when it’s time to call it quits and move on.  I could do that but it just wouldn’t be me.  So I’ll continue to be in this club of one and be that eternal optimist in a pessimistic world.

My 2nd Anniversary

/ markmkane / 1 Comment

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I can’t believe it, just had to pinch myself.  It’s officially been 2 years since I started this venture of blogging…didn’t think I’d last a year let alone two.  It somehow feels more like 3 or 4 years but time really has a way of making things seem longer than what they really are.  Nonetheless, I am plugging away and putting myself out there for others to stop by and peruse my musings.

I can honestly say that this truly was a journey, one that I was a bit skeptic at undertaking; it kind of felt like homework to me.  One where I would be critiqued by not one, not two but countless of others who would find aspects of my work unappealing.

I hesitated for a moment thinking “Am I crazy?! I don’t need to deal with this!”  But at my manager’s behest, and her unbridled positive enthusiasm, I decided to “Go for it!”

Even though my blog site is still a work in progress and I haven’t found a niche, I’ve found this venture to be both therapeutic and phenomenal.

I used to be afraid of what people would say about my writing style, my stories, my poems and even my rants and raves.  Just putting myself out there without regard of what negative feedback I may get is somewhat liberating.

It’s as if this blog site was my personal diary; a place where I can let my inner voice run wild.  A place where my ideas and feelings can paint a picture that was somehow hidden deep within my somnolent consciousness.

Every post written, every word chosen enabled me to create my art with unbridled pride and joy.  AND sharing myself…giving some semblance of positivity, inspiration and insight into how I see the world is invigorating.   I’m lucky to be able to do this of my own volition.  I love what I’ve done so far and eagerly look forward to what I come up with on my next post.

Where To Find That Fountain Of Endless Ideas

/ markmkane / 2 Comments

Idea1

I know I’ve broached the subject on what to blog or not blog before, but I just can’t seem to let it go.  So please forgive me if I sound like a broken record. 

Being a writer, I’ve always made it a point to write often and consistently; it’s the only way that we as writers get better at our craft.  When I’m writing a screenplay, I just seem to have an endless supply of ideas…a flash flood of thoughts just inundate my brain and there is no barrier to quell it.  But that’s a good problem to have in that instance.

In the case of my blog site though, I tend to hit a road block week after week.  You’d think that after two years of having this site I’d be a pro by now, but that isn’t the case.  I’m one of the unfortunate ones that just doesn’t have a niche.

Idea11

I hate to say this but I’m quite envious (more like jealous) of the blog sites that I follow.  They all seem to have found their “voice” and are excelling at making their site exceptionally well thought out.  Their writing is intriguing and holds me emotionally; I actually become invested into what they have to say. 

Day after day, week after week, their vast array of topics are fresh, interesting and sometimes unconventional; it’s like they have an unlimited amount of ideas to choose from at their disposal.  Sigh…I wish that I could be like them…they’re my idols.

For me to come up with a topic on my blog site is somewhat excruciating.  I never really know what I’m going to write until the day before, and even then it’s not the best of topics sometimes.

You might say, “Then why do you have to write something every week?  Why don’t you write once a month?  Or why don’t you write when you have something relevant to say?”

I can answer all those questions in one simple answer – I’m a writer…plain and simple.  I have to write on a consistent basis to get better at my craft.  I’m not the most eloquent, artistic, humorous or intelligent of writers but I love what I do nonetheless.     Idea7

This sense of freedom; getting into a Zen-like state where you pen “heart” to paper and let it loose upon the internet masses. This is what I enjoy the most.

So I guess I’ll never crack this dilemma of the conception for new weekly blog ideas.  Maybe that’s good thing, who knows.  All I know is that I’m still here sitting at my desk…writing…because “I am a writer.”Idea8

Positively Positive Haikus

/ markmkane / 1 Comment

The sun shines brightly

Happiness engulfs me now

Time to spread the joy

 

To smile means to care

My love for you know no bounds

Always…Forever

 

 Laughter of children

Innocence so refreshing

Dreams and hopes alive

 

 Following your dreams

Your story is a journey

Inspire everyone

 

 You’re a great writer

Send your work into the world

Set your stories free

Longing For A Fulfilling Life

/ markmkane / 2 Comments

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I count my blessings every day I wake up; I have a wonderful wife, two great kids, a loving pet, caring family members and loyal friends.  My health is going well with the exceptions of a few aches and pains but that comes with age.

Lately, however, I’ve been feeling a tad bit unfulfilled; stuck in a rut and in a funk.  My life has stalled for some reason and it’s as if there’s something lacking in my life that somehow can’t be extinguished.  I noticed that it tends to rear its head when I’m at work.

Day in and day out, I trudge into the office to work for a private corporation whose bottom line is one of financial profit instead of valuing interpersonal relations with its employees.  Those that work tirelessly are underappreciated while the slackers and less qualified upper management are praised highly for taking credit where credit is not due.

Granted the pay is good but like I said earlier, it’s lacking in substance.  I’m at that age where I want to do something that matters; to make a life changing decision.  Yes, I know that sounds so cliché (and NO I am not trying to apply for sainthood) but it’s the God’s honest truth.

I want to work in a place where I know the things that I am doing are for the betterment of someone or a cause.  You know the feeling you get when you help someone in dire need without a thought of receiving anything in return?  The sense of doing something favorable for purely selfless reasons and cracking that big inner smile in the process; you can do no wrong when you give of yourself to someone.

That’s what I want to feel; I want to smile more while working instead of being worried about deadlines.  Learning to have more empathy for those that are in a far worse predicaments than I am.  Strengthening my compassion towards strangers.  Spreading hope when there is none.  And enjoying life in the whole scheme of things.  Doing something that’s rewarding and feeling a sense of self-satisfaction at the end of the day is what I’m longing for.  Being able to do this would not only enrich my being but it would give meaning to my place in life.

Most recently, I have been applying at places of interest that do that sort of thing for quite some time…but unfortunately no luck.  But that did not deter my desire for achieving the goal of doing something worthwhile to satisfy my inner soul.

I’ve been tirelessly perusing sites where I can volunteer my time and make a difference.  The most eye opening aspect of this process is seeing the number of pages that the volunteer application forms contain.

Some even require medical documentations of past immunizations, past work history, references, reasons for volunteering and a mandatory commitment for your free services.  My how times have changed from when I did community service back in high school.

Even if this whole process is time consuming, my urge to really do something worthwhile and make a difference in someone’s life is all that matters.  My hope is that I can find the perfect fit and in doing so quench that burning inner desire.

The Three P’s

/ markmkane / 3 Comments

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We all have tons of dreams

some big, some average, some small

Achieving them in our lifetime

is the common theme for us all

The map to our success

is following these three views

Learning them by heart

will help us avoid any miscues

 Patience, Persistence & Perseverance

also known as “The Three P’s”

Commit them to one’s memory

is a MUST I do decree

Biding our time without complaint

having “Patience” is the key

The journey’s just beginning

in bringing our dreams to reality

 “Persistence” will outlast talent

staying the course, when all else fails

We must get up after every fall

towards our dream we will prevail

 In spite of all the difficulties

and the strong urge not to quit

“Perseverance” dictates our true passion

we’ll get there…bit by bit

 So pursue your dreams to the ends of the earth

learn “The Three P’s” & follow through

You’ll reach your goals and then much more

of this I promise you.

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