I Am A Writer

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Being a writer, professional or amateur, whether it be in screenplays, novels, short stories, poems, blogs, articles, is one of the greatest feelings to experience.  We proudly claim that title and revel in the pure joy of our creations.  We are the dreamers that have no limits and our imaginations are vastly unique.

We, as writers, follow our heart and passionately tell stories of love, inspiration, hope, despair, sadness, joy and humor; it can come from personal experience or it could be purely fictional.

Our urge to let loose our “inner voice” and send them into the world is quite courageous.  Our vulnerability is on full display.  We subject ourselves to complete and total strangers who will either love it, hate it, criticize it, berate it, praise it, be informed by it or be inspired by it.

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We learn from it, accept it and grow to become even better artists of our craft.  Regardless of the outcome, we persevere.  Writers love what they do; writing nurtures our artistic soul.  It fills a need that non-writers can’t understand.

Writers continue on with their journey because it’s never-ending.  The path will only end when our mind’s well runs dry.  But all my fellow writers know, that’ll never happen.

So to all my fellow colleagues, remember that you are a writer!  Don’t ever forget that only “you” can be the one to tell “your” stories.  You are the masters of your craft; it’s a lifestyle formed from countless hours of blood, sweat and tears with a heavy dose of passion and heart.

Write, write every day.  Follow your heart and always dream big.

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To Change or Not To Change

In the past, I’ve always embraced change because I felt it made you a better person for learning how to cope and adapt.  Our brains are wired to do the same things over and over again, whether it be good or bad, tedious or fun.

It’s never an easy task to handle but it pushes you out of your comfort zone and tests your strength and mettle. I thrived in the face of change because it snapped me out of my rut. It was different, it was new and I got to think outside the box.

Currently I’ve made a life changing decision to resign from my job of 12 years to work for a non-profit organization.  I was absolutely excited for the opportunity to do something that was both rewarding and satisfying at the same time.

Now I’m counting down my final days at my current work place, feeling nostalgic in the process.  My co-workers are sad but happy that I’ll be moving on to something better.

As I wait for the unknown, I find it quite difficult to accept the change that’s about to occur.  Thoughts of doubt creep into my mind.  “Am I making a mistake?” is all that is echoing throughout my conscious.

To do something for 12 years and then starting over from scratch is a terrifying thought…especially at my age.  This is truly overwhelming for me to handle.  I’m not going to lie, I’ve had sleepless nights this past week and will probably get even more in the coming days to follow.

My therapy was to confide in my co-workers about what I’m feeling; free psychological advice from people with various life experiences.

All exude positivity which help to sort of subdue what I’m feeling.  It was helping for a moment until I asked a co-worker who I found work for the same organization (for only 6 months)that I’m off to start a new career in.

Her experience was not pleasant, more like toxic.  “WHAT?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” was my first response.  Then “OH MY GOD! DID I JUST MAKE A HUGE MISTAKE!” blared like an EMS siren in my head.

She assured me that it was 10 years ago that she had worked there and her experience wasn’t pleasant because of the type of person she is.  She insisted that my experience might not be like that, so I needn’t worry.

Too late, the seeds of doubt had been planted and could not be shaken.  When I confided in my other co-workers of her experience, they echoed the same sentiment that it might not be like that for me.

So here I am now with conflicting emotions, wondering what I will encounter in the next chapter of my life.  The battle between experiencing a great opportunity versus making a huge mistake will continue until I walk through the doors of my new job.

Until then, I just need to try and live in the moment; soak up as much good memories as I can with the friends that I’ve made and take that feeling on into the unknown.

It Always Rains When I Cry

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Lately I’ve noticed that

it always rains when I cry,

very comforting to know

I really don’t know why

Finding joy in sadness

makes no sense at all

but being in tune with one’s self

is to have the wherewithal

Knowing that you cared enough,

to give all of your heart,

emotions put on full display

for you to pick a la carte

 Empathy, compassion and love

caring traits…so tride and true,

can sometimes be our downfall

that all unbalances you

Recently I’ve notice that

it always rains when I cry,

but knowing that nature carries on

exhibits hope I can identify

 Life has its ups and downs

it shows you who you are,

embrace your journey wholeheartedly

do that and you’ll go far.

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My Voice…

My voice…

falls silent in the wind,

since you’re not around

My life went off track

will my heart

be the one to bring me down

Oh why…

why do I feel this way

when my heart had you to love

 

We had the chance,

the chance to make it right

But the love you had

was never meant for me

so I sit here,

alone…pondering

all the things I want to say

But alas…

my voice falls silent in the wind.

 

A Birthday Poem

 

As I sit here pondering what to write, I reflected for a moment on my life.  I saw my daughter’s baby picture situated on a shelf off to the left of my computer.  I soon realized that my little girl will turn 17 this year…in a few more years, she’ll be 21 years old.  Geez, where’d all that time go?!

I wondered what would I say to her once she gets to that age.  A poem came to mind, so I figured I’d write a poem for my daughter’s future self.  This is what I came up with:

“Happy Birthday Chloe

you’re finally 21,

You’re at that age

where you can enjoy illegal adult fun

Remember when you were young

when you dressed up and pretended to be old

To be a full-grown woman

was to be daring and bold

As time passed on, 

you played the game of life

The need to be an  adult woman

was joined by the desire to be a wife

You’re finally a woman,

with many birthdays gone by

The youthfulness is still in you

as the clouds are in the sky

Age doesn’t matter

so don’t let it bother you

Just be yourself and in the end

to your heart you will be true

Be cheerful, be happy

you’re now 21,

Happy Birthday Chloe

and many more to come.”

 

 

An Eternal Optimistic Kid In A Pessimistic World

Call it wishful thinking, call me a dreamer, or call it what you will but I am a certifiable optimist.  Let me rephrase that, “I am an eternal optimist in a somewhat pessimistic world!”

In light of all the insurmountable odds stacked against me in whatever I’m undertaking, I always see an opportunity for the best thing to happen and hope for it to come to fruition.

That may sound like arrogance or being a bit too confident but I feel that it’s much better to be that way than to think negatively of the circumstance.  Thinking of all the things that could go wrong tends to impede our progress and changes our mindset from a “can do” to a “can’t.”

I’d rather come from a place where I believe that it can happen or possibly could happen.  Having a semblance of hope drives us to do our best.  Just knowing that we have a chance to attain our dreams, get that job, be accepted into that prestigious college, whatever…makes us all the more enthusiastic.

There’s a bounce to our step, a gleam in our smile, a twinkle in our eyes that exude positivity.  In our current time, we need to have a strong belief that some good will come from our hard work and efforts.

Granted not all things happen like we wish it to, in my case it’s a majority of the time, but it serves as a reminder that it’s better to try and fail than to do nothing. AA2

What drives me to be eternally optimistic is my internal fountain of hope; that gives me the sheer strength to endure.  Just knowing that I won’t fail all the time is ammunition for me.  If I just don’t give up and go that extra mile, maybe just maybe I’ll achieve my goal.

I try to have a kid’s outlook on life where everything’s attainable.  Children are not jaded, children have no limits, children see a straight line to their goals.  Unbridled optimism guides their path without regard for the chiming in of the adult’s skepticism.

We should all just make an attempt to stick with something and see through it till the end…who knows, it might be productive or we could’ve been on the cusp of attaining it.  Regardless, our mindset will change and we’ll see the possibilities in our next endeavor.

Being optimistic is not everyone’s cup of tea, most of the people I know are more logical; they know when it’s time to call it quits and move on.  I could do that but it just wouldn’t be me.  So I’ll continue to be in this club of one and be that eternal optimist in a pessimistic world.

My 2nd Anniversary

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I can’t believe it, just had to pinch myself.  It’s officially been 2 years since I started this venture of blogging…didn’t think I’d last a year let alone two.  It somehow feels more like 3 or 4 years but time really has a way of making things seem longer than what they really are.  Nonetheless, I am plugging away and putting myself out there for others to stop by and peruse my musings.

I can honestly say that this truly was a journey, one that I was a bit skeptic at undertaking; it kind of felt like homework to me.  One where I would be critiqued by not one, not two but countless of others who would find aspects of my work unappealing.

I hesitated for a moment thinking “Am I crazy?! I don’t need to deal with this!”  But at my manager’s behest, and her unbridled positive enthusiasm, I decided to “Go for it!”

Even though my blog site is still a work in progress and I haven’t found a niche, I’ve found this venture to be both therapeutic and phenomenal.

I used to be afraid of what people would say about my writing style, my stories, my poems and even my rants and raves.  Just putting myself out there without regard of what negative feedback I may get is somewhat liberating.

It’s as if this blog site was my personal diary; a place where I can let my inner voice run wild.  A place where my ideas and feelings can paint a picture that was somehow hidden deep within my somnolent consciousness.

Every post written, every word chosen enabled me to create my art with unbridled pride and joy.  AND sharing myself…giving some semblance of positivity, inspiration and insight into how I see the world is invigorating.   I’m lucky to be able to do this of my own volition.  I love what I’ve done so far and eagerly look forward to what I come up with on my next post.